Something Great
by idekr5
Summary: "Ellington shouldn't have been the one that had to be strong now. Rocky took a deep breath as he returned to his previous position, hugging Ell close. 'I don't want to lose you.' Ellington couldn't answer him without lying somehow." Rockliff. I am so sorry for this but also I'm not at all.
1. Come On, Jump Out At Me

**Hey there!**

**I had this idea ages ago, and my friend kept pushing it and pushing it until eventually I started it. I've been staying up late and skipping writing notes in class to write this on my phone and in my notebook. It's been a true struggle. But here we are.**

**I'm super stoked for this. Also, I would like to apologize in advance for this whole thing. That is all I will comment on the matter.**

**Read on, my little Rockliff friends, and enjoy!**

**I don't own anything. Also, side-note: as for Riker/Lucy and any other couple that may come about later, I'm indifferent. Riker needed to marry someone for the sake of the events of the story, so. This is about Rockliff. Nothing else matters.**

* * *

Rocky had wanted to kiss Ellington for a long time.

He didn't know exactly when it happened or what triggered it. But there was something, some moment way back when that made him see Ellington differently. Not a bad different by any means. Just something other than what they already were, what they had been from day one.

Oddly enough, Rocky was pretty sure that things had started to get different between them when the rumors of Ellington and Rydel started to fly. Maybe that was what changed things. Ell and Rydel got closer and started doing things that made people question the state of their relationship. Rocky started to feel possessive over his friendship with Ellington, and it just developed into something that confused him a lot.

Months passed where Ellington and Rydel continued to be closer than normal, and soon it was just past Rocky's 20th birthday, and he was confused. He was sure that he was Ellington's best friend and it didn't seem fair to him that he was being replaced so easily. He moped about it a lot, even complaining to Riker once. "Jeez, you sound like you have a crush on him or something," Riker had said, and it'd changed Rocky's whole view on the situation.

So, yeah, he'd always seen something in Ellington as more than a friend. It was really weird to him, new and exciting and somewhat scary. He didn't know how to go about the realization. All he did know was that he wanted to kiss him.

The opportunity presented itself one day, and Rocky wasn't going to let it go.

The family trip back to Hawaii was in celebration of Riker and Lucy's engagement. Which, okay, before there was any type of celebrating, there was a whole lot of fighting. The relationship had been so out-of-the-blue in the first place that an engagement after only seven months seemed ridiculous. Riker fought it, though, using only the argument that they loved each other more than anything, and Lucy had wanted this. Both families realized they weren't getting anywhere with disagreeing, so they took it in stride and worked on accepting it.

R5 booked a show down in Hawaii, because why go there and not have something for the fans? The concert was on the last night of the five-day, four-night trip with the Lynches, Hales, and Ellington. Afterward, Rocky asked Ell if he wanted to ditch the planned after party and hang out on the beach with him.

Ellington glanced over his shoulder at everybody talking and laughing and mingling with drinks in their hands before turning back to Rocky. "Um, sure," he replied. "Why, though?"

Rocky shrugged and slipped his hands into the pockets of his cargo shorts. He started down the wooden steps that led down to the beach, Ellington a few steps behind. "I dunno. Might as well enjoy the last night we got here in peace, right?"

"But during a party?" Ell asked. Once they had descended the narrow staircase, he walked shoulder-to-shoulder with Rocky down the incline of the sand. "Parties are fun."

"They're also loud, and I have a headache." It wasn't entirely a lie. Rocky's head hurt from how much he was fighting the urge to say _I have feelings for you and also I want to have sex with you and I'd love your opinion on the matter._

Ell nodded. "Fair enough."

"You can go back, if you want. We just haven't hung out in a while. Alone, I mean."

"Yeah, no, I gotcha. This is totally cool, too." Ellington offered a smile as he sat down where he was, right above the shore. He didn't want to get his feet wet.

Rocky sat down next to him and sighed. He didn't know what he wanted to talk about or if he was even going to say anything about his feelings at all. He hadn't really planned to. He just wanted to be with Ell. Maybe it was selfish, but it was true that they hadn't spent time together in ages. Above all else, Rocky missed his best friend.

The moon was almost full and the sky was full of stars and it was totally cliché. Rocky liked it, though. Clichés made him happy and stars were cool. He liked looking at them. More specifically, he liked looking at the stars _with _someone because there wasn't really pressure to talk about anything. It was just about gazing and wondering.

"Constellations are cool," he noted, although he had never been able to see them. Mark used to take Rocky, Riker, and Rydel into the backyard to see the stars when they were young; it was back when Ross was a baby and Ryland wasn't even born yet. Mark would point out things like the Dippers, but Rocky could never quite make them out. It had always frustrated him.

He leaned back on his hands, tilting his head as he looked up. He still couldn't really tell, but he assumed they were there.

"Yeah," Ell agreed. "I like stars."

They fell into a comfortable silence and Rocky debated what he should do. He had a lot of options, too many things to say. He couldn't decide which one would be best, and which one would totally ruin everything.

He could see Ellington out of the corner of his eye just looking up at the sky. He wondered if Ellington was enjoying the peace or just wanted to get back to the party. He couldn't tell. Ellington was too good at hiding things sometimes.

Rocky's fingers dug into the cold sand beneath him. This was a chance for him to change things. He knew it was a stretch, but he'd never know what he was missing if he didn't try.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked, still watching the stars.

He felt Ellington's eyes on him then, just looking at him. Rocky could tell that he was waiting for a "just kidding" or for Rocky to burst out laughing and lead them back up to the party. But Rocky didn't move or look away. He waited. That was all he could do.

"What?" Ellington finally asked.

"Can I kiss you?" Rocky repeated. This time, he turned his head.

Ellington looked confused. Understandably so. Rocky obviously didn't ask questions like this very often, so naturally there was hesitation and questioning.

Ellington wasn't sure what compelled him. It was probably the way Rocky looked at him, he figured, completely serious and looking like he'd be crushed if Ellington so much as said no. There was something in Rocky's expression that made it impossible for Ell to reject him.

And he'd be lying if he said he didn't think about it every once in a while.

"Okay," Ell uttered after a long pause.

He didn't see the harm in it. Whatever was going through Rocky's mind could apparently be helped with just a little kiss. It wasn't going to hurt anybody. While Ellington had thought about it before, the idea of _actually _kissing Rocky was foreign to him. He'd only ever kissed girls before. And this was Rocky, of all people. It was weird, but still, Ell had really wanted to say yes and he wasn't sure why.

Rocky didn't miss a beat. He leaned in and closed the space between them, pressing his lips to Ellington's firmly. It was slow and easy and just how Rocky had pictured it being.

Rocky was the one to pull away. He looked at Ellington for a second before casting his gaze downward, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well…that was nice."

Rocky looked up when Ellington spoke. "Yeah. I…yeah."

Ellington paused before speaking again. "Why'd you do it, though?"

Rocky shrugged. "I wanted to. And I felt like I should."

"But…what does it mean?"

"What do you think it means?" Rocky looked over at him, raising an eyebrow. "It means I _like_ you, dipshit."

"I could do without the name-calling, thank you very much."

Rocky waved him off.

"But I'm flattered."

"You should be." Rocky stood up and brushed the sand off the back of his pants. He held out his hand to help Ellington up. "C'mere."

Ellington took his hand and let Rocky pull him to his feet. As soon as he was up, Rocky yanked him closer to kiss him again. Ell wasn't expecting this one. He still wasn't sure about this. Rocky liked him? Did this mean Rocky wanted to date him and keep kissing him all spontaneously like this? Ellington was really skeptical. He had never thought about this being something he wanted.

Ellington backed away and stared up at him. Rocky smirked and that was when Ell lost it altogether because, shit, Rocky was good-looking. He was attractive and his best friend and the only person Ellington trusted with his life.

They went back up to the party together and acted like all was normal.

* * *

Days and then weeks passed and the kiss was not forgotten. Neither wanted to pretend that it didn't happen, so instead of forgetting about it, they went off every chance they got. During rehearsals, hanging out, even at big group outings, they'd find somewhere secluded to make out and that was it.

The day after returning from Hawaii, when Ellington's previous doubts had come back to haunt him, it didn't take much convincing from Rocky. "S'just kissing," had been Rocky's argument. "Doesn't mean anything." So Ellington gave in, because what else could he do? He knew he couldn't deny thinking it was a decent idea because he wanted it just as much. And every time, the two of them would come back and have to pretend that it hadn't happened.

But they knew. Between the two of them, that was all that mattered.

For a while, at least.

The more Ellington thought about it, the more he started to warm up to the idea of actually being with Rocky. It seemed simple enough. The two of them were closer than anyone else in the group and they all knew it. They had their own secret language. They understood each other. Ellington thought that was a pretty solid basis for any relationship: best friends first.

He didn't say anything to Rocky about it, though, not at first. But Rocky often times made it seem like he felt the same. It always happened when they were doing something simple like watching movies with the group, where the two of them would sit a little too close and their thighs would touch without it actually being suspicious, and when Ell and the rest of them were sucked into the movie, Rocky would just watch him. Ellington noticed it almost every time. Rocky had this look that Ellington couldn't really explain, but it made him feel like maybe Rocky had those same maybe-it-could-work thoughts. It was more than enough to give Ell the courage to bring it up.

They were going at it in a storage closet in the studio one day, exactly one month and one week after the trip to Hawaii. It was stingy and small, but exactly what they had grown accustomed to. Rocky had Ellington pinned against the door as he kissed him. They struggled to keep quiet as the rest of the band continued to rehearse in the studio. Rocky had said he was going to the bathroom and Ellington's excuse was that he was calling his mom, so they didn't have a lot of time.

Rocky trailed his lips down to Ellington's neck. Ell gripped Rocky's shoulders and let out a heavy breath.

"Maybe we should stop sneaking around," he whispered.

Rocky lifted his head. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…make this something more than just making out all the time." He swallowed thickly, trying to catch his breath. "You—you said you liked me, so…"

"Are you talking about being boyfriends?"

Ellington nodded swiftly.

Rocky sighed, slumping his shoulders. "That's so gay, dude," he mumbled, kissing Ellington and wrapping his arms around him to pull him close. It took Ellington all he had to fight back the urge to make an _Evidently, so are you _comment.

"It's just what we're doing now but without the secrets. Right? Don't you want that?" Ellington asked between kisses.

"Yes. Yes, whatever. We're dating."

Ellington felt an immediate adrenaline rush. They'd gotten past weird and awkward a month ago; everything now was just new and exciting. Ell wasn't afraid anymore. It was just Rocky.

"And as my first official action as your _boyfriend_, I would like to grant myself full access into your pants whenever I want."

Ellington brought a hand up to his face and blushed. "Maybe we should finish rehearsal first."

When they went back (a few moments apart to ease suspicion), Rocky simply looked at Ellington. Ellington shook his head. Rocky knew what that meant, surprisingly: that they weren't going to say anything to the band right now. Ellington sat behind his set and picked up his sticks.

"Alright," he exclaimed, "let's do it." He raised his sticks to hit them together and count off so they could finish rehearsal.

* * *

Rocky and Ellington had been texting or talking whenever they got a second alone about when and how they were going to tell everyone. First their families, then their friends, then the fans, they decided. It was the most logical way to go. They just didn't know when and how.

Things took an unexpected turn two weeks after the day in the storage closet. It wasn't meant to happen. All Ross had wanted was to watch _Romeo & Juliet_ in the basement in peace. It was his favorite place to turn off all the lights and sit at the corner of the sectional sofa and watch his favorite movie. He had never asked for this.

His bare feet on the carpeted stairs were silent as he made his way down. Rocky and Ellington might have heard him otherwise. But Ross was halfway to the couch before he even noticed them, and then he stopped dead.

Ellington was sprawled on the brown leather couch, Rocky hovering above him. Both were shirtless and kissing feverishly. Ellington had his jeans around his ankles, and Rocky's hand was shoved down the front of Ellington's underwear. It was a scene Ross had never imagined or ever wanted to see. His face twisted into a mixture of confusion and slight disgust.

He opened his mouth to say something, but he was mostly too shocked to make noise. His feet were planted where they were. He would have screamed and run away, but his blood ran cold and he just couldn't. He was confused above all else because, honestly, _what?_

He finally unfroze when Ellington moaned rather loudly against Rocky's lips. Ross shuddered and turned his head away.

"Dude," he finally said, loudly enough to get their attention.

They both stopped and turned to him. Ellington immediately shoved Rocky off of him and reached down to pull his jeans back up. As he was having trouble with his pants, Rocky groaned and rolled his eyes dramatically.

"Oh, for God's sake," he muttered, shaking his head. Of course Ross had to pick then of all times to come down.

"What…the hell?" Ross blinked. "Wha—"

Rocky sighed. "Well, surprise."

Ross stared blankly at him, his eyes wide. The kid looked like he'd seen a ghost. Which, okay, what he really _had_ seen could easily scar him for life. Rocky got that part.

"I suppose now is the best time to tell you that I'm fucking our drummer."

"_Dating_. Dating," Ellington interjected quickly when he watched Ross' eyes bulge out even more. Ellington glared at Rocky before turning back to Ross and shrugging. "We—we're dating." His pants were still only half up because it was hard to do that sitting down.

Ross stood in awe as Rocky got up from the couch. He bent down to pick up the previously discarded shirts off the floor. Ellington stood beside him, finally getting his pants on and pulling his shirt over his head. Rocky threw his into a corner of the room; he'd get it later.

All the while, Ross stayed frozen. He stared at Ellington.

"Stop looking at him like he just killed every family member you've ever known." Rocky grinned. "He's just sleeping with one of them."

"Dating."

"_Officially_ sleeping with one of them."

Ross finally snapped out of his state of shock to look confused. "But…why?"

Rocky shrugged. "Why is Riker with Lucy? Why is anyone with anyone? 'Cause they like each other. _We_ like each other, genius."

"Yeah, but since when do you two _like_ each other?"

"Since I gazed into his eyes and saw the answers to the freaking universe," Rocky said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. Ellington elbowed him, so Rocky sighed and gave a serious answer. "Since…a while, I guess."

"But he kissed me in Hawaii."

"Hawaii?" Ross asked. "That was, like, months ago. Why haven't you guys said anything?"

"You're the first to know and you're taking it a little weird." Rocky raised his eyebrows.

Ross shook his head quickly. "No, I—I'm fine with it. It's just…out of nowhere. Completely out of nowhere."

"That's why I said surprise."

It was a lot to take in, but Ross had run out of questions and he was pretty sure the initial shock of finding out they were dating had worn off. Mostly, he was just stuck with the image of the scene he had had to look at.

"You should probably tell everyone," Ross suggested after a few moments. "It'll get weird."

Rocky looked at Ellington and shrugged.

"I don't think anyone's gonna care that much. Or even be that surprised. You guys were always a little gay."

"Watch it, Blondie," Rocky warned, brushing past Ross and messing up his hair. Ross reached up to fix it as Rocky started upstairs.

"Where are you going?" Ross asked.

"Bathroom. Wanna come?"

Ross rolled his eyes at his brother's sass. He heard the door at the top of the basement stairs open and close and turned back to Ellington.

"Sorry you had to see that," Ellington offered, scratching the back of his head. "We thought you were taking a nap."

"I was, but then I woke up, and I wanted to watch a movie. So here we are."

Ellington told Ross he'd sit through the entirety of the original _Romeo & Juliet_ with him and not complain when Ross recited his favorite lines to make up for it. Rocky was not thrilled with the idea upon his return and went back upstairs on his own.

When the movie was over and Ellington was done with Shakespeare for the rest of his life, the two of them went up. They entered the living room to find Rocky lounging on the couch with an Xbox controller. Rydel and Riker were standing in the doorway. They looked lost, but Rocky didn't seem to be paying any attention to them.

"I told them that we're sleeping together with labels," Rocky explained without moving his gaze away from the TV screen.

"I don't think I'm ever going to understand why the term 'dating' is so difficult for you."

Rocky shrugged. "Their reactions wouldn't have been as funny."

* * *

**Yayyyyy this was boring but that just means there are greater things coming later ho0hoh0o0o0hoh0o0hho0**

**I am expecting this to be about 20 chapters long in the end, so yeah.**

**This is gonna be fun.**

**Hope you enjoyed! Next one's gonna be a slow-ish one too, but not too bad.**


	2. If Only They Knew

**This one is cute yay. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

No one really cared that a Rocky and Ellington were dating. That is, no one in their family. The parents had all been accepting after the initial shock, and it all wore off after about a month. It didn't matter that much. And, as Ross had so delicately put it before, it wasn't _that _surprising to begin when they had been dating for a little over two months, they saw it fit to tell the fans.

Both were sort of apprehensive about it, but not to the point where they were going to completely avoid it. It had to be done. Their fans loved them all anyway, no matter what they chose to do.

At least, they hoped so.

Some people could be nasty. Rocky had gone through his fair share of twitter hate in his time and seen death threats aimed at anyone he may have had a romantic linking to. Though it seemed highly unlikely for either of them to receive threats like that out of sheer overprotection of fans over the other, one could really never be too sure. Not everyone was great about receiving news like that seemingly out of the blue.

They had gone back and forth with how they were going to do it. They couldn't decide. Ellington had suggested twitter, but Rocky felt it was "not enough." He himself thought they should say it at a concert, but Ellington said that was too awkward and would change the mood of the show.

They had a concert in LA one night. Ellington was still deep in thought about it as they rehearsed before soundcheck. There were so many options. He was trying to figure out how he could slip a subliminal message into a tweet when Riker interrupted his thoughts.

"Let's get a move on, drummer boy," Riker said, thrusting Ellington's drumsticks into his hand. "We've got a show to do."

"Wait." Ellington stood up and Riker turned back to him. "Do you think it's a good idea to tell the fans tonight?"

"About you and Rocky?" Riker's brow furrowed. "I thought you didn't want to do it at a concert."

"I didn't. I thought it would be weird, but...I have an idea."

Riker shrugged. "I don't see why not. As long as Rocky knows, I guess. I don't really see the harm in it." He went to the corner of the room to pick up his bass and Ellington followed him. "They're all going to know somehow. I just hope you know what you're doing."

Ellington nodded. He totally knew what he was doing.

* * *

Soundcheck was fun. The crowd was getting really into it. All of the fans were happy to see them right away. It was always nice to see that so many people loved them so much. It seemed that every single show was a little bit bigger and a little bit more energized than the one before it. Every crowd was different and the band loved them all for coming out and supporting them. They always got good questions too. Some were more...unique than others, but they loved answering them all. One of the most common ones, and one that they were asked at that concert, was if they all had any individual pre-show rituals.

Ellington tried not to zone out as Rydel answered, talking about her hair and makeup and clothes. He thought about Ross answering by saying the same thing and smiled to himself. They all tended to tease Ross in that aspect. Ellington blamed Ross for bringing it upon himself, though. The kid literally wore women's t-shirts, so it wasn't that far off for all of them to poke fun at him for it. It was all in good fun.

When it came Ellington's turn to answer, he looked up. He hadn't even been thinking of an answer. He didn't really have one because other than the group huddle, there wasn't anything he did before every single show. Besides warming up and tuning his drums, but every member in every band did that, so it didn't count. He couldn't say that.

He looked out at all the faces staring up at him expectantly, and then over at Rocky.

Riker had said that as long as Rocky knew, it would be fine. But Ellington hadn't had any time to explain his little plan to Rocky beforehand. So Rocky actually had no idea. And if he got upset at Ellington for pulling something like this without him knowing, well, that was going to suck, but Ellington wanted to go for it anyway. No harm, no foul, right? It wasn't going to hurt anybody.

_Well, here goes nothin'._

"Rocky and I have intense cuddle sessions," Ellington answered. He listened as the crowd murmured and giggled, all already holding up their phones to take videos and pictures. "We just cuddle, man. Right before shows. Gets us in the zone, you know what I'm sayin'?"

He glanced over at Rocky as the fans started giggling again. Rocky looked back at him. They stared at each other for a short moment before realization passed over Rocky's expression. His eyes glistened as he seemed to suddenly understand what was going through Ellington's head and what he was trying to do. The corners of his lips tugged up a little bit and he nodded, looking out at the audience.

"This is a hundred percent true."

The crowd was still laughing and whispering. The rest of the band was smiling at the two of them, but the look in all three of their eyes said _What the hell are you doing?_ Ellington just knew Rocky had understood him, and he hadn't even needed to say anything. He turned and fist-bumped him.

The silent communication was amazing. They had managed to understand that they were going to give the fans a show, something to talk about and speculate and make assumptions about. That way, when the truth came out and Ellington and Rocky told them all for real, they would all be expecting it. Instead of the fans saying that it came out of nowhere, they'd be saying that they saw it coming.

It was foolproof.

Of course, for the time being, they were all seeing it as a joke because the two of them were such good friends, but there was nothing to laugh about when it came to cuddle sessions. Those were serious business.

During the concert itself, Rocky had his own ideas. He was delighted by Ellington's bright idea during soundcheck and decided to build upon it. So he kept turning back and winking at Ellington, or nodding at him, or wiggling his eyebrows during almost every single song. Each time, Ellington would just smile and look down. He couldn't help it. Rocky was sure he was blushing, too, but he couldn't totally see it.

During _Crazy Stupid Love,_ Rocky just went for it. He spent the entirety of the song telling himself that the two of them were already in too deep and that this was a good idea. When it came his time to sing during the bridge, Rocky went up to Ellington and looked directly at him as he sang. The crowd was going nuts, from what Rocky could hear. Ellington just stared back at him, and Rocky smirked as he sauntered away with his guitar. Ross gave him a look.

After their bows, when the music was playing and they were all dancing and saying goodbye to the fans, Ellington slapped Rocky's butt. When Rocky grinned back at him, Ellington winked, and Rocky immediately took him by the hand to twirl him under his arm. Ellington laughed and grabbed Rocky's other hand. He stood at arms length and spun around with him. Once he let go, Rocky leaped away from him and smiled back at him. All this did not go unnoticed by the audience; Rocky and Ellington weren't even trying at this point.

Once they were offstage, Ross approached Rocky about it, asking him what that had been all about.

"What?"

"That whole thing," Ross said, gesturing with his hands. "Both of you. I honestly don't think you could have made it more obvious."

"That's the _point."_ Rocky rubbed his face with a towel and tossed it over his shoulder. "So they're expecting it. It was Ell's idea. He didn't even say a thing about it to me and even I got it, man, c'mon."

Ross stared at him.

"I swear, Ross, sometimes you're so blond."

* * *

As they had all predicted, the band suddenly all found themselves being bombarded with tweets asking if Rocky and Ellington were "a thing." They obviously didn't answer any of them, instead just showing each other whenever a new one came up. Ryland ended up coming across a video on YouTube entitled _Rockliff Is Real!_ and it documented the events of the LA show. They were highly amused by it, to say the least.

"We gotta tell 'em," Ellington said as the six of them sat lazily in the Lynches' living room. No one except Rocky was even listening to him; the group was halfway through _Tangled._ "They know now. They're expecting it. We can't just leave them hanging."

Rocky shrugged. "Well, I still don't know how to go about it."

"I say we just do a band live stream," Ellington offered. "Just answer some questions, a general Q&A thing, and then we end it with the truth."

"I second that," Riker called from the other side of the room. He didn't even look away from the screen.

"See?"

Rocky nodded wordlessly, focusing back on the movie. It was good enough for him.

* * *

They announced the live stream on twitter all that night and the next morning. They knew it was last minute, so they didn't know how many people were actually going to tune in to watch. But the next day, five minutes before four, there were thousands of fans refreshing the page and waiting for them. The band was all settling at the computer desk, Riker's laptop open in front of them. Riker, Rydel, and Rocky sat up front, with Ellington and Ross on higher stools behind them.

"You guys ready for this?" Riker asked, clicking away on the computer.

"As I'll ever be," Rocky sighed.

Riker nodded to himself and turned on the webcam. "This thing on?" he asked, tapping on the camera. He instantly got a bunch of responses frantically telling him that they could see him, and he nodded again. "Alright, guys. We are live."

"What's up, R5 Family?" Rydel greeted cheerfully. "We're gonna be hanging out with you guys for a little while, answering questions."

"We got a bunch from twitter," Riker continued, "so here we go."

They answered a wave of random questions about nothing in particular. They ranged from how they all drank their coffee to what size shoe they all wore. Ross kept mindlessly pointing out questions regarding Rocky and Ellington, but Riker always batted his hand away and Rydel shot him a glare. Rocky swore the kid was dropped on his head as a baby.

Someone asked about Riker and Lucy's wedding at one point. Riker surged into a long answer about how they were still deciding on a date and a place, and Rocky took the opportunity to glimpse back at Ellington. Ellington gave him a small nod in a response. It was his silent way of telling Rocky not to back out because he still thought it was a good idea. Rocky bit down on the inside of his cheek and turned back to pretend to listen to whatever Riker was saying.

When Riker finished, the video had been going on for almost an hour, so they decided they were going to wrap things up.

"So, one more thing before we go, though," Rocky said. He could feel his heart beat already beginning to pick up. "Lots of rumors flying around. We've seen 'em all and we wanna set one big one to rest."

Ellington nodded. "Yes. Yes we do," he chimed in.

"You probably all know where this is going." Rocky took a deep breath. It was nerve-racking. He looked back at Ellington again and raised an eyebrow. "Would you like to do the honors, Mr. Ratliff?"

"I sure would, Mr. Lynch." Ellington stood up and cleared his throat, earning a giggle from the rest of them. "Drumroll, please," he declared.

"You're the drummer—"

Ellington held a hand in front of Ross' face. "Excuse me, sir, I believe I asked politely for a drumroll."

The other four patted their laps in a drumroll. Rocky closed his eyes and bit his lip. Ellington inhaled and held it for a moment, looking around.

"We're dating!" he finally exclaimed loudly, throwing up his hands. He started dancing in his place. "Me and Rocky are dating."

"Yayyy." Rocky held up his hands and wiggled his fingers. Ellington clasped a hand on his shoulder and shook him back and forth. Rocky reached up and grabbed his hand, using it as leverage to pull himself up to his feet and turn to face him in one swift movement. He threw his arm around Ellington's neck. Holding him under his arm, Rocky dragged his fist over Ellington's scalp as Ell laughed, gripping onto Rocky's arm.

"They're so cuuute," Ross said in his best falsetto, clapping his hands together. He smiled and looked at Rydel. "Get it? I'm a fan. I ship them."

"You're a special one," she replied quietly, nudging him with her shoulder.

Ellington yelped and the three of them turned. Somehow he ended up on the floor and completely out of the camera's view with Rocky standing above him, a socked foot on Ellington's chest. Rocky looked up.

"I am the victor," he proclaimed.

Riker sighed. "Well, now that we've gotten that out of the way, we'll leave you with this beautiful couple moment and say goodbye now."

"Peace out." Rydel waved as Riker ended the live video. He let out a heavy breath.

"I bet a weight has just been lifted off your shoulders," he commented, spinning to face Rocky.

Rocky shrugged and held out a hand to help Ellington to his feet. "Yeah, I guess. Wasn't so bad, right?" He looked over at Ellington.

"Besides being taken to the carpet, yeah, I'd say that went well."

"Now we just wait for all the crap to blow over. Don't check twitter for a while," Rydel suggested. "People are going to be very opinionated for a long time."

* * *

Ellington couldn't help himself.

He went home that night and sat on his bed, already beginning to scroll through twitter on his phone. His mentions were flooded with comments about the whole thing, as expected. A lot were positive. Others were confused. Few were pretty nasty.

He didn't let the bad ones capture his attention. He just went by them. He only knew that they were negative because his eyes would skim over words like "ew" or "why" or "since when" and he chose to ignore them. This was expected from the very beginning, and Rydel was right. They just had to wait for the shock to wear off and then everything would be fine.

He thought about tweeting something, thanking all the more supportive ones for their acceptance, but he decided against it. He would rather keep going through the ones that were already there. The further down he went, the more he saw about fans loving them still and wishing them the best. It was a relief to him above all else. It was good to know they were all still there.

Despite the few negative ones, Ellington considered himself lucky to still have the faithful fans. He reminded himself to tell the rest of the band how they had the coolest fans in the world. Of course, he already thought that before, but he would have to reiterate it. He would also have to ask Rocky the kind of responses he was getting from the situation.

Ellington scrolled back up and refreshed. There were only three new ones. The very first one caught his attention. It was very obviously from a mother whose child was no doubt a fan of Disney Channel and of Ross. He didn't read it at first, instead just refreshing again. There was another tweet from her. Apparently the character limit had cut her off.

When Ellington finally read the tweets, he shook his head. She was saying how she had hoped they were a different band who would stand out among the rest, "fighting urges" and sending a conservative message to younger fans.

He only stopped when he read the very end.

_Disappointed & absolutely disgusted._

His heart sank. He reread it a few times. Swallowing thickly, he closed out, suddenly not wanting to go through any of the earlier ones anymore. They may have had their fans' support but there were always going to be people like that around, which sucked. He wasn't going to be able to avoid those, though. Not now that everyone knew. There was going to be no getting around it.

He felt slightly nauseous at the thought of people actually being _disgusted_ at the idea of Ellington and Rocky being together. It was baffling. He had known they weren't going to have the support of everyone in the world, but it was different when it actually happened. He frowned as he put his phone down on his bedside table.

He lay back and turned on his side, closing his eyes. He tried not to worry over the little things too much. It was kind of his philosophy in life; he lived by the idea that things just happened and he would always see the sun come up the next day, so he had to move on no matter what happened. That was especially necessary to remind himself of when it was just little things like this.

He decided not to say anything about being upset over it to Rocky. They had to focus on the fans that wanted to stay with them no matter what. Ellington sighed and soon drifted off.

When he awoke from his nap two hours later, he still felt sick to his stomach, except now it was worse. He was sure it wasn't the rude tweet still making him feel like shit. He thought he might be hungry. He was exhausted, for one thing. He felt like he had to sleep for another three days.

He sat up and the room starting spinning. His head was pounding. He rubbed his forehead as he swung his legs over the side of his bed. As he started to stand up, he shivered. It wasn't cold, but he felt another chill creep up his spine and he shivered again. He shook out his wrists and shoulders as he headed out of his room and into the hallway.

It was nearly eight when he checked the time in the kitchen. He was going to eat something and then relax and watch a movie or something. R5 had a show tomorrow night. He just had to sleep it off. He couldn't get sick now.

He resorted back to blaming it on the tweets. He couldn't afford to get sick now.

* * *

**The next one is my baby tbh. Review or something, that'd be cool.**


	3. I'm In Love With You

**this one was fun ayy lmao**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing other than a very broad imagination and a firm grasp of basic English/grammar skills.**

* * *

Ellington got too sick and couldn't play in that next show. The band did an acoustic set instead and Ellington felt horrible about it. It was the first time he'd gotten sick in years, but he didn't look into it.

In the five months between February and July (when Riker and Lucy decided to have the wedding), Ellington experienced constant bouts of tiredness. Fatigue would randomly overtake him and he'd nap a lot more often than usual. As the months continued, so did Ellington's tired spells.

Despite the random fatigue all the time, Ellington spent almost all of those months with Rocky. Their relationship progressed as they faced rumors and the press and nasty fans together, all the while having to keep up with the band and promotion. Rocky suggested that that was what was making Ellington so tired all the time, and Ell accepted it, but he wasn't quite so sure.

* * *

On a cold morning in March, Rocky opened his eyes, stretched out his tired muscles, and turned over to find Ellington already awake, watching him. Ellington smiled, his silent way of remembering the events of the night before. Rocky didn't say anything as he reached for Ellington's hand, intertwining their fingers. Ellington's tired eyes and disheveled hair made him look ten times more adorable. Light was shining through the curtains of their hotel room, stretching out over Ellington's whole body, covered by the white sheets.

It was the morning after their first time together, their awkward, fumbling first encounter. It was new for both of them, but in the best way.

They had a show that night, and they had to get up and get ready, but Rocky never wanted to move. He was perfectly content with lying there with Ellington for the rest of his life.

* * *

By early July, right before the wedding, Ellington was napping once a day and his muscles ached all the time he was awake. It was all too uncharacteristic for him. He slept a lot normally, but not that much.

It didn't phase him, though. As long as he wasn't sick, he was moving on. He was managing.

Riker and Lucy decided that the wedding was going to be in July because Riker had always wanted a summer wedding. Lucy kept saying that she didn't want anything huge or extravagant. She wanted a lot of people, though, because the family and friends there were all that mattered. Riker agreed with this wholeheartedly, so the planning was quick. The most difficult thing was cutting down the guest list because they wanted so many people. But they were done with everything well before the wedding was going to take place.

They had to keep a lot of it under wraps so that fans and paparazzi didn't find out when or where it was. They'd all seen weddings be mobbed from the outside. Paparazzi were just sleazy bastards, but the fans always had good intentions; still, there were other opportunities for them to meet celebrities. They didn't need to stand outside of a wedding for that.

The wedding party itself consisted of Riker's brothers, Ellington, Curt, and Dominic as Riker's groomsmen. Rocky was appointed the best man, simply because he was the closest in age to Riker. Lucy's maid of honor was her sister Maggie, and her bridesmaids were her _Pretty Little Liars _costars, Rydel, and Laura. With six on each side, they already knew it was going to be a fun night.

Most of the time leading up to the wedding was spent planning. Not for the wedding itself, because that was quick and painless for everybody. The boys were the ones planning, for Riker's bachelor party. Originally, they had all wanted to go above and beyond and do something ridiculously amazing that Riker would remember for the rest of his life. But when that fell through, they decided to take him to a club instead.

It had been Curt's idea, and it was bad news at first for Rocky, Ross, and Ryland because they were all still too young. But Ellington did some searching and found an 18+ place they could go. Ryland had just reached the cutoff and rejoiced. Rocky was only a little annoyed because four months was so close to twenty-one, yet so far away at the same time.

They dragged Riker off the night before the wedding, ending up at this Level 3 place in Hollywood that Ellington had found. He said he had read that it was really cool and that they were going to have an awesome time.

As soon as they got there, the line to get in was split in two, one for those eighteen to twenty and one for twenty-one and over. The 21-and-over line was almost nonexistent. Rocky, Ross, and Ryland sulked as they got to the end of the seemingly never-ending younger line. The other four pointed and laughed (only half joking), bounding over to the other line.

They were given cheap yellow wristbands that allowed them to buy alcohol when they first went in. It was just like any other nightclub they had ever seen, dimly-lit with flashing lights and sweaty, drunk people scattered around. There were these cozy booths toward the side and a big bar right behind them. The dance floor was spacious, right in front of a stage about five feet off the ground. The DJ booth was to the right of it, but there were so many people crowding around it they could barely see it from where they were standing at the entrance. White couches sat below two TVs mounted on the wall playing some game no one seemed to care about.

"Rad," Curt said suddenly, breaking the silence. He turned to the group. "First round's on me. Might as well get started before the kiddies get in."

It was almost a half hour before the other three were able to join them. By that time, Curt had returned and the group had already gotten themselves a booth and thrown back a round of shots. It was strong stuff, so Riker and Dom both already found themselves taking a break. Curt had a beer and Ellington was sipping some fruity drink he didn't even know the name of. He just knew what was in it and that it sounded like something his mom would drink.

Rocky, Ross, and Ryland squeezed in the booth to join the rest of him.

"Can I try that?" Rocky asked, reaching for the drink in Ellington's hand.

"You don't have a wristband," Ellington teased. He grinned at him. "That's illegal. You're just a little guy."

Rocky rolled his eyes and sighed. "Forever playing the 'I'm older than you' card, I see."

"Until the day I'm suddenly not."

* * *

No one got drunk that night. Curt was the only one ended up a little tipsy, but not to the point where he was falling over or being embarrassing. Most of the night was spent split up. Ryland spent his time scoping out women, and Riker, being Riker, had to go find him every five minutes to make sure he wasn't contracting an STD. Ross hung on Riker the entire time, constantly bringing him back out to the dance floor with Curt and Dom and telling him to calm down, that Ryland was fine. As it turned out, Ryland wasn't having much luck with the ladies, anyway.

Ellington dragged Rocky around and made him dance with him, despite Rocky's protests. He kept suggesting they sneak off to the bathroom instead, but Ellington went on a spiel about how unsanitary and potentially dangerous that was, which instantly killed Rocky's mood. He had no choice but to succumb to Ellington's desires and dance with him.

Everyone was in high spirits the next day. It was a beach wedding, not surprisingly. The ceremony itself was to be held under a gazebo up above the level of the water. They'd decided on blue as the color, so the flowers and the chair covers were all blue, and the boys all had powder blue ties to match the girls' knee-length dresses.

There were two separate rooms inside the reception hall that each group had to get ready in. The boys were ready hours early. All they had to do was help each other straighten out their tuxes, tie each other's ties, brush their teeth, and make sure their hair didn't look like they'd just rolled out of bed. There was a couch and a chair, which Curt, Dom, and Ross had occupied, and a full-length wall mirror that Riker and Ryland were standing in front of. Ellington had to have Rocky tie his tie because he couldn't do it himself.

"You should probably learn how to do this. You're gonna need it someday," Rocky commented.

"Mom's done it for me all this time, and it looks like I have someone new to do it now." Ellington shrugged once Rocky finished, fixing his collar. "I don't see the need to learn now."

Rocky shook his head. "You're a little shit."

"A little shit that you've been dating for seven months," Ellington said, raising an eyebrow. "Happy anniversary, douche."

Rocky grinned, grabbing Ellington's waist and pulling him close. "Next week. Nice try," he mumbled, leaning down to kiss him.

"Get a room," Ryland called. He could see the two of them in the mirror. They turned to see Ryland's reflection making a face at them across the room.

"Somebody's bitter," Rocky called back at him, draping an arm around Ellington's shoulders for good measure.

Ross looked up from his phone and gestured toward Ryland. "He acts like he doesn't make out with Savannah in front of everybody all the time."

"Uh, I don't," Ryland said defensively, turning to shoot Ross a glare.

Curt held up a hand. "So much tension. Everyone shut up. The groom's having a mental breakdown."

Riker shook his head in the mirror, smoothing out the front of his tux with his sweaty hands for the thousandth time. When he exhaled, it sounded shaky, and he was obviously more nervous than he'd probably ever been in his life. "Not a mental breakdown. Just a little nervous."

"About what?" Rocky asked, meeting the eyes of Riker's reflection before Riker turned to face him. "S'just Lucy, dude. She knows you're coming. Nothing to be nervous about."

"I don't know. I know there's not really anything to mess up, but...I don't know," he repeated. "It's just. This is huge. It's kind of a lot to take in. I'm gonna be _married_ in, like, less than two hours."

"We established that you were going to be married when you gave her the ring," Dom pointed out, and everyone laughed, including Riker. That was a good sign. He hadn't completely lost his shit yet.

Riker sat down and took a few deep breaths while they all coaxed him through the fact that it was fine, it was just Lucy, there was nothing to worry about, everything would work out. He calmed himself down and they were being summoned out before they knew it. They made their way in a clump to where the ceremony was being held, hidden behind a building before it started. Almost everyone had arrived and they only had about five minutes before they were to begin. The girls had gone from their little green room back to the limo. The boys could see it from where they were, but obviously couldn't see inside it.

All of the girls sans Lucy emerged right before and went straight to whoever they were paired with. The wedding planner was waiting at the end of the aisle near the photographers. She waved Riker over, and Riker took a deep breath before putting on a smile and heading down the aisle. He made eye contact with all of the friends and family members he recognized as he went and then stood beside the justice of the peace under the archway, waiting.

Lucy's mother and grandfather came down next. Stormie and Mark trailed right behind. Stormie was already crying by the time the parents took their seats in the front row. Dominic and Laura came next, followed by Curt and Shay, Ellington and Troian, Ryland and Ashley, Ross and Rydel, and finally Rocky and Maggie. The justice of the peace asked them all to stand for Lucy to come in.

Lucy smiled brightly at her father's arm, holding a bouquet of bright blue flowers. Her dress was strapless and flowed out at the waist. Rocky watched Riker's smile grow tenfold upon seeing her and smiled himself.

The ceremony was quick. They hadn't wanted anything too drawn out because they didn't want to bore people. Riker didn't mess up anything he had to say, and Rocky didn't even drop the rings, which was certainly a plus. Everyone clapped and cheered as they kissed, and they walked back down the aisle for the first time as husband and wife to _Here Comes Forever_.

"So lame," Rocky whispered to Ross beside him before hooking arms with Maggie to follow Riker and Lucy. He heard Ross laughing behind him.

The wedding party spent the next half hour taking pictures while everyone else went inside. When they finally joined the reception, the DJ was playing a swing song, no doubt to get the lame songs out of the way first before the party started. Ryland had asked a hundred times in the months before the wedding if he could DJ, but everyone kept telling him he was going to want to have fun and not be stuck behind a DJ booth the whole time. He resented them all for it.

After dinner and cake and within just a few hours, shoes were coming off and relatives were getting progressively drunker and the party was only getting better. It was good to see the day was going so well for Riker and Lucy; everyone saw to it that they were having a good time. So many people bought the new couple drinks, because that was just what one did at weddings, and Riker kept offering his to his friends. He drank a little, but he didn't want to get slammed at his own wedding. Lucy didn't seem to have the same concern, which led Riker to be at her arm the whole night.

At one point, when Rocky and Ellington were people-watching at the head table, the DJ asked all the couples to come out onto the dance floor. Rocky didn't move. Ellington stood up and Rocky looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Seriously? We're going to be one of the mainstream couples who goes and sways like dead branches in the wind?"

"Yes, we are. Come on."

Rocky let himself be dragged away from the table. He took Ell's hand and placed his other hand on his waist, Ellington's free hand falling on Rocky's shoulders. Some song Rocky didn't recognize started playing, and the two of them swayed with the rest of the couples surrounding them. Ellington grinned. He was about to make a comment along the lines of _See? This is fun_ when the DJ cut him off.

"Alright, all those couples married one day or less, go away."

Everyone laughed as all of the unmarried couples and Riker and Lucy headed off the floor. Rocky laughed as he led Ellington back to the head table.

"So much for slow dancing," he muttered.

The group on the dance floor continuously dwindled down until the longest-married couple stood there, which was Lucy's great aunt and uncle twice removed or something. Everyone clapped for them and then the fast music returned, bringing the mood of the party instantly back up.

Ellington dragged Rocky out again soon. He wasn't about to let him sit there the whole time. Rocky was going to dance whether he liked it or not. And he totally did, judging by the way he couldn't help but crack a smile when Ellington grabbed his hands and started spinning and swaying ridiculously with him. Rocky couldn't help himself and twirled Ellington under his arm like at that godforsaken LA show. Ellington smiled brightly.

Rocky checked the time and saw that there wasn't much time left. The older people and people with young kids were starting to leave. Everyone was drunk. Riker and Lucy were going to have to make their rounds and say goodbye soon. Rocky bit his lip and scoped the crowd for Ellington. He found him talking to Ross on the other side of the room.

Rocky made his way to him and interrupted the conversation, touching Ellington's elbow and whispering in his ear, "Wanna get out of here?"

Ellington turned to look at him, suddenly forgetting Ross was there. He didn't know what Rocky had in mind. But from the look in his eyes, he didn't mean sex or anything. He just meant...being together. Ellington nodded, apologized to Ross, and followed Rocky out the back door of the hall.

Rocky took his hand and they walked silently down to the beach. It was like Hawaii all over again, except not quite, because LA was certainly no Hawaii. They didn't want to sit in the sand ruin their tuxes (they were rentals, after all), so they stood and looked up at the stars. Rocky squeezed his hand and Ellington squeezed back._  
_

"Tonight's been really cool," Ellington commented, his voice quiet. Rocky looked at him, noticing the way the entire sky reflected in Ellington's eyes. "I really love weddings. I love being around a bunch of people who love each other and just having fun and celebrating two people being together. It's just really great and warm and there's so much love everywhere."

Rocky's heart pounded in his chest as he watched Ellington. He didn't miss the word Ellington used about nineteen times in one sentence, and it got him thinking as he stared at him. Stared at this guy, his best friend, the person he turned to for everything, the person he would protect with his life and would do anything for and who could always cheer him up and make him laugh and just kiss it better. Every single time.

"I love you," Rocky said softly.

Ellington turned his head to face him. His eyes glistened. "Huh?" He'd heard him the first time. But his stomach had done a somersault and now he just wanted to hear it again.

"I love you."

Time seemed to stand completely still for a moment. Waves were crashing beside them and the sky was vast and full of stars and constellations Rocky couldn't see and everyone was partying and Rocky loved him and Ellington kissed him deeply, and somehow it was so different and so similar to every time they had ever kissed before.

"I love you, too," Ellington murmured, and Rocky smiled.

They watched the stars until they heard cars starting in the parking lot, realizing they had to go back in and say goodbye to people. It was a quiet trip back, the comfortable kind of quiet, the giddy type of quiet. Ellington yawned as they reached the top of the stairs.

"Long day," he muttered simply, and Rocky slid his arm around Ellington's waist as they rejoined the party.

* * *

**THE NEXT ONE'S GONNA HURT REALLY BA SO**


	4. I'd Take The Fall

**DON'T HATE ME**

**JUST KIDDING I HATE ME BYE**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

Two weeks after the wedding, after Riker and Lucy returned from their honeymoon in Aruba, Riker came home to spend a night with his siblings and Ellington. They were having their own little slumber party like old times and it had been decided early on that they were all going to pull an all-nighter. It didn't work out, though. After two movies and an intense giggle fit, Ross sprawled out on the couch and passed out at one, and Riker quickly followed, sitting up straight with his back against the front of the couch. That guy could fall asleep anywhere.

Before he knew it, Rocky was the only one awake. Ellington and Ryland were lying on the floor on opposite sides of the room and Rydel had curled up on the recliner in the corner. Rocky had given the room a once-over, sighed, and finally gone to bed at three.

He awoke later, around four. It was weird because usually he slept deeply, completely undisturbed. He didn't know what had woken him, but he was instantly annoyed. He sighed heavily and yawned, stretching out his muscles. It was a Saturday, so if he wanted to, he could sleep all day. He still had however long he wanted. Thankful for this, he turned over to close his eyes and fall back asleep.

Across the room, Rocky heard someone breathing. It was shallow and rugged, as if they were having trouble catching their breath; he probably wouldn't have heard it otherwise. Rocky's eyes reopened, though he couldn't see in the dark. He listened closely. It was coming from all the way in the other side of the room where he knew Ellington was lying next to the wall.

"Ell?" Rocky whispered.

There was a brief pause before Ellington whispered back, "Hi."

"Are you okay?"

Ellington swallowed and sucked in another breath. "Yeah," he replied quietly.

Rocky stayed there for a second before throwing the blanket off of himself and standing. Ellington was obviously having trouble breathing or something. Rocky squinted at the floor as he walked, sure to step over Ryland and Riker to get to the other side of the room. He sat down on the carpet next to where Ellington was sitting on top of a thin yellow sheet, which he'd pulled from Ross' bed earlier.

"You okay?" Rocky asked again.

Ellington didn't answer. He took in a few more sharp inhales and sat up a little straighter. Rocky put his hand on his back, rubbing it in slow circles, trying to comfort him.

"Can you breathe?"

"Kinda," Ellington murmured.

Rocky frowned. "Well, _kinda_ is not good. We need you breathing well."

"It's just…it's really hot in here. I think it's making it harder to breathe."

Rocky didn't feel hot, so he immediately brought his hand up to feel Ellington's forehead. He blamed his mother for the instinct. He had always thought that it was Stormie being paranoid when she claimed Rocky's face felt hot when he was getting sick, but Ellington really was burning up. His skin was warm to the touch, more so than Rocky knew was normal.

"Your face is hot, man," he noted. "You're sweating."

"It's hot. That's what I said."

"It's not hot. _You're_ hot. I think you're sick."

Ellington didn't answer so Rocky didn't say anything else. He kept rubbing Ellington's back as Ellington breathed audibly. He was hunched forward, looking exhausted and frustrated at the fact he couldn't catch his breath. Rocky brought his right hand over to take Ellington's, holding it in his. He ran his thumb gently along Ellington's knuckles.

Ellington suddenly shivered. Just once. Rocky thought nothing of it until it happened again, and then again. Ellington continuously jolted beneath Rocky's touch. Rocky was starting to feel worried because Ellington couldn't breathe and said he felt really hot, yet he was getting chills.

Rocky stood and helped Ellington up. He held his arm, just in case, and led him to the kitchen. Rocky just wanted to get him some air. Ellington leaned against the kitchen counter as Rocky reached up to open the window behind him. Ellington stood with his face in front of the cool air blowing through the screen. Rocky rummaged through the tall cabinet to get a glass from the back. He filled it with water from the fridge and brought it to Ellington, who sipped it as the breeze blew over him.

"How do you feel?" Rocky asked.

"Better." Ellington nodded. "I think it was just getting stuffy in there."

Rocky sat on the counter and they stayed in there for a while as Ellington cooled down. Rocky was sure he was getting sick again. Ellington didn't look like he felt good at all, even though he claimed to. Rocky knew him too well to believe he was starting to feel better. His eyelids drooped as he stared outside, leaning all of his body weight against his hand on the counter. He looked about ready to collapse.

Rocky remembered five months ago when Ellington had been too sick to go to the show. That had never happened before, not ever. And right after that, the fatigue thing started happening. It got progressively harder for Ellington to even live his life because he was so tired and achy all the time. Rocky didn't know if he was just being paranoid, but he was worried. Ellington had never been as sick as he was that week five months ago, and since then there was something really wrong with him.

Ellington didn't get sick often. So it was weird back in February, the tiredness was weird, and now it was weird again. Something had to be going on. But Rocky didn't want to say anything for fear of seeming too paranoid or even just annoying.

When Ellington finished his water and put the glass down on the counter in front of him, Rocky hopped down to his feet and came up behind him, placing his hand on his back.

"C'mon," he urged, beginning to lead him back to the living room. "Sleep it off."

* * *

The next day, Ellington woke Rocky before anyone else was up, before the sun had even come up. They had only slept for two hours since standing in the kitchen, if even that. Ellington said that he was going to go home because he still didn't feel well. Rocky offered to come with him, but Ellington said he just wanted to be by himself and try to sleep it off for the rest of the day.

That night, after Riker went home and Rocky was watching TV with his other brothers and sister, he tried calling to see if Ellington was better. Ellington didn't answer. Rocky assumed he was asleep and sighed, putting his phone away and focusing back on the show.

* * *

Ellington was sick for another few weeks. He would be late to rehearsals and end up calling ten minutes after they started, saying that he was still in bed and wouldn't make it. He was only able to text Rocky about once a day to let him know that he was still alive, but then he'd fall asleep or just be too weak to use his phone.

It was a month after the wedding and Rocky was getting worried because it seemed that Ellington was only getting worse as the time passed. He felt sicker and more tired every day. Rocky hadn't even seen him for weeks. Ellington told him he shouldn't worry and that his mom had been over most of the time. When Rocky asked Cheryl what was going on, she said she was sure it was the flu.

Rocky wanted to see him, but he didn't want to go over there unannounced. Ellington could be sleeping or with his mom or something, and Rocky didn't want to be there if he wasn't asked to be.

He spent his nights with his siblings because he had nowhere else to go. Sometimes they did, though — they'd go out with old friends or do what they needed to do, leaving Rocky on his own in the house, carrying his phone with him wherever he went. None of them blamed him, though. They were sure they'd all be doing the same thing.

He was glad that he did have his phone with him, because he got a call from Ellington one night that he'd hate himself forever for missing.

He was almost surprised when he saw Ellington's name because he'd barely even been able to text him. Rocky answered immediately anyway, though, realizing it must actually be Ellington needing him on the other line.

"Hello?"

"Can you come over?" Ellington's voice sounded distant, like he was away from the phone.

"Sure. Sure, yeah, I'll be there," Rocky replied, already on his feet and running to get his shoes on. "Where's your mom?"

"She left." There was a pause. "I just…I need someone to take me to the hospital."

Rocky froze, his blood running cold. "The hospital?" he clarified. He held his phone against his shoulder so he could use both hands to yank his Converse on. He left them untied as he ran toward the door, not bothering with a coat. "Why? What's wrong?"

"I can't get up," Ellington explained. He started taking deep breaths and suddenly his voice was urgent, struggling to get all the words out. Rocky thought he might have started crying, but he wasn't sure. "I…feel like I'm gonna pass out. My legs hurt. My head feels heavy."

Rocky was already in the car and starting it up when Ellington finished speaking. "Okay. Okay, stay on the phone with me." He sort of wished he'd grabbed a jacket because he was freezing, but on the other hand, there were more important things to worry about.

"Okay."

"Is the door unlocked?"

"Yeah."

"Where are you?"

"My room."

"In bed?"

"The floor."

Rocky kept talking to him, just so he could hear him respond and know he was still on the phone. His heart was pounding. He _knew_ Ell had been getting sicker.

He parked the car in front of Ellington's house and told him to wait five seconds. He shoved his phone in his pocket and locked the car before darting up the steps to the front door. The door was unlocked, as Ellington had said. It took Rocky a second to remember that Ellington's room was upstairs and to get his feet to carry him there.

Ellington was, as promised, on the floor. He was lying curled up next to a lamp in the corner of the room. His phone was on the floor next to his head, which was why is voice had sounded far away. He was paler than Rocky had ever seen him. Ell's lips were the same color of his skin and his hair looked like he hadn't washed it in days.

Rocky instantly crossed the room and knelt beside him, wrapping him up in his arms. Ellington's body was just limp against him. It was like he was alive, but couldn't tell his body what to do. He was like a rag doll moving only according to what Rocky's arms did.

"How'd this happen?"

"I fell."

"Jesus," Rocky said under his breath. He sighed and sat up a bit. "It's okay. I've got you."

Ellington looked down at himself. Rocky frowned. He pulled Ellington closer to him, but eased up when Ell tensed and groaned.

"Did I hurt you?" Rocky asked, his tone laced with concern.

"My whole body hurts."

Rocky pulled Ellington against his chest before standing with him in his arms. Ell had his arms around Rocky's neck, his head leaning against his shoulder. Ellington closed his eyes as Rocky started out of the room. Ellington's phone was forgotten on the floor.

"Have you lost weight?" Rocky asked. "When's the last time you ate?"

"My mom's been making me," Ellington told him without opening his eyes.

Rocky had a feeling Ell hadn't been keeping it all down, or just not trying. He was noticeably skinnier.

Ellington sat on the passenger side, his head resting against the window. His eyes were still closed. He looked terrible. Rocky felt bad but didn't know what else to do. He was already going over the speed limit to get to the hospital faster. It was all he could do to help.

They had to wait in the ER because Ellington only really had flu symptoms and there were more serious patients to be treated. They sat in chairs the way they'd sat in the car, but Ell's head was on Rocky's shoulder instead of the window. Rocky held his hand tightly to let him know he was there.

Rocky texted Riker to spread the word that they were in the ER. He sent the same message to Cheryl, who asked if she should come. Rocky promised to tell her if something came up that she'd need to be there. "I'm an adult," Ellington had said tiredly when Rocky asked if he wanted her there. "I don't need my mom."

They waited for hours. Rocky thought Ellington fell asleep against him a few times, but every time, Ell would stir uncomfortably or make a noise. It made Rocky feel like shit. He wanted to do something. He'd done all that he could, though. At one point, Ellington tried to say something, but Rocky didn't hear him. When he asked him to clarify, Ellington just shook his head weakly. Rocky didn't push it.

When Ellington was finally whisked away from him, Rocky waited on his own. He was left in the dark for a while, not knowing what was going on. He didn't ask, though. They knew what they were doing.

He debated asking Cheryl and George to come by, just so Rocky wouldn't be alone. But he didn't want to worry them. He knew just as much as they did at this point. It was just going to have to wait. Riker kept texting Rocky asking him what was happening, but Rocky told him the same thing every time: _I don't know_. Minutes passed like hours, hours like days, and Rocky was getting restless.

It wasn't for another two hours that Ellington's doctor came out. He shook Rocky's hand and introduced himself as Dr. Ryan. Rocky blinked tiredly as the doctor surged into a long explanation about everything that had been happening and about how Ellington was doing. He said Ellington was very cooperative and that they had done some strenuous tests that Ellington didn't complain about at all.

"His symptoms were very generic, but we had some suspicions given the physical examination and anything he was able to tell us," Dr. Ryan explained. "We ran a blood test. We can't be too sure at this point, but it's safe to say that the results worried us. Does Ellington have any family members that can be reached?"

"Uh, yeah. His parents," Rocky said. "I can...I can call them to come down here. But did you say the results worried you?"

Dr. Ryan nodded. "I did. Ellington is being referred to an oncologist on the next floor."

"Oncologist?" Rocky's brow furrowed. "Isn't that—"

"Cancer," the doctor finished for him. He paused. "We think that it might be leukemia."

Rocky went completely rigid. He was silent as Dr. Ryan told him he was thankful for Rocky's offer but that he would have the nurse call Ellington's parents herself to inform them of the situation. Rocky stared at him, but he was barely listening.

Halfway through, Rocky cut him off and caused a scene in the middle of the waiting room.

He started yelling about how that was ridiculous and that it wasn't cancer. Not Ell, he said. Ell couldn't have cancer. Ell didn't do anything to deserve getting cancer. Rocky swore at the top of his lungs and clenched his fists, and he only got madder when Dr. Ryan asked him to please calm down, there were other patients around at the moment.

Rocky suddenly became aware of the fact that people were staring. The young receptionist looked at him over the desk. Dr. Ryan raised an eyebrow. People waiting for their loved ones watched him curiously, some even with understanding, as he freaked.

Rocky sat down slowly. He knew the doctor said that it _might _be cancer, that there was a chance it wasn't. But he'd also said something about Ellington's white blood cell count being all out of whack — Rocky didn't understand it fully. It had just scared him.

He apologized to the doctor quietly, staring at his feet.

"No need. I've seen people go through this all the time. I know how hard some people take it."

He said he would be back as soon as there was anything else worth knowing, and that Rocky could see Ellington as soon as they were done, so long as Ellington wanted him there. Rocky thanked him.

He didn't want to say anything to anyone yet. If he went around telling everyone Ellington had cancer and then he didn't, Rocky would just look crazy. So he waited. He sat with his ankles crossed, his arms folded across his chest, and waited. It only took a few minutes for Cheryl and George to join Rocky in the waiting room after they were called by one of the nurses. George went to talk to the receptionist to discuss handling the expenses. Cheryl looked up at Rocky and frowned.

"Can I see him?" she asked.

Rocky shook his head. "Not yet. They haven't let me, either."

They sat together. George joined them soon. Stormie called Rocky crying at one point, saying Riker had told her something was wrong, and Rocky told her not to cry because it was fine. Ellington was going to be fine. There was still a chance, Rocky insisted. But he knew that wasn't likely. They all did. Ellington's parents fell in and out of sleep, George more than Cheryl. Rocky stayed awake.

Hours later, the doctor came back to tell them all that Ellington was sleeping and staying overnight. He said that they had done a bone marrow aspiration and a bone marrow biopsy and that they would get results tomorrow. Rocky didn't ask what any of that meant, nodding silently as Dr. Ryan walked away once again.

Cheryl started crying. George comforted her. Rocky ran a hand through his hair, wandering away from the two of them. He had no idea what to think at this point. He felt sick. It didn't seem right that this was happening. Of all people in the entire world...

Rocky pulled out his phone to call Riker.

"What's up?"

"I'm staying the night," Rocky said quietly. "I'm with Cheryl and George."

"What?" Riker lowered his voice, and Rocky heard movement on the other line. He figured Riker was moving to a different, less-populated room, away from Lucy. "What's happening?"

Rocky wandered toward a corner of the waiting room, away from everyone else. "It—it's not good, man," he mumbled, shaking his head. "They think it's cancer."

Riker was silent.

"I guess we'll know tomorrow. They've been running tests and stuff…I don't know. He's sleeping."

"Want me to come down there?" Riker asked softly.

Rocky shook his head, though he knew Riker couldn't see. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "No. Just…I'll be home tomorrow. Tell Mom and Dad, alright?"

"Okay. Take it easy, man."

"Yeah, I will. See ya." Rocky hung up and took a deep breath.

He just didn't understand.

* * *

The next morning, at six o'clock on the dot, Ellington's doctor came back. Cheryl was barely awake, but she instantly perked up and woke George. They stood up with Rocky, and all three stared expectantly, waiting for anything.

The doctor looked at them tiredly before sighing and hanging his head. They all knew what that meant. But they waited anyway.

"Ellington has a type of cancer called acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Sometimes we call it ALL."

Immediately, Cheryl had questions. The words fell from her mouth in an urgent, jumbled mess, and Ell's doctor struggled to answer them all. Rocky didn't listen.

He spaced out completely until the doctor spoke directly to him. "I'm sorry, what?"

"He asked for you."

Cheryl looked at Rocky sadly as he followed the doctor to the elevator. He knew Ellington's parents wanted to see him, but so did Rocky. Ellington had asked specifically. Rocky would tell him that his parents were there but right now, it was about what Ell wanted.

It was a silent trip up to Ellington's room. Rocky wasn't thinking about anything other than what the hell ALL was and how Ellington had been unlucky enough to get it. He had nothing to say, and neither did Dr. Ryan.

Dr. Ryan stood in the doorway of the room, motioning for Rocky to go on in. Rocky thanked him. Ellington looked up when he heard Rocky's voice.

Rocky had pictured something grand and beautiful and fancy like in the movies, but there was nothing beautiful about the sight in front of him. Ellington looked more tired than Rocky had ever seen him before, even though he'd been sleeping so much all the time. He was still pale as a ghost. He looked even thinner than the other day, and Rocky knew that that was impossible but maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him. Or maybe it was because he was tearing up and everything was blurry, and he couldn't get a hold of himself.

"Come here," Ellington said hoarsely, reaching out as soon as he saw Rocky welling up. Rocky went over to him and leaned down, hugging him tightly. "Don't you dare cry on me, alright? I'm fine. Don't start getting sad."

Rocky shook his head. "You're not fine." He pushed the tears back, knowing it wasn't the time to cry right now. "You have cancer."

"I'm aware," Ellington muttered. "But as far as all the medical stuff is concerned, I have a good chance. A really good chance. So don't cry, because I'm gonna get rid of this soon enough and it'll all be over."

Rocky straightened up and looked down at him. It was amazing. Ellington had just been diagnosed and was already planning his recovery.

"I have an infection. That's why I look like a corpse." Ellington grinned. "But I get to get the hell out of here today and sleep my ass off for the next week."

"Sleep your ass off?" Rocky raised an eyebrow. "Sounds uncomfortable."

Ellington shrugged. "Eh. Don't need it anyway."

"I like it. I think you should keep it."

"I'm glad. Thank you for liking my ass."

Ellington Ratliff didn't have a bad bone in his body, which was why Rocky just didn't get it. He was lying in a hospital bed and joking with Rocky. He hadn't done one terrible thing in his entire life. He was a good guy with great intentions and never wanted to hurt anybody. So it didn't make _sense_ that he got cancer. Why him, of all people?

"Your parents are here," Rocky said. "They want to see you."

"I'll tell the doctor to go get 'em. I just wanted to tell you to go home and sleep, 'cause I know you haven't." He looked up at the clock on the wall. "I was gonna call my mom to come sit with me until I leave anyway, so this is good."

"I'll get them. Are you sure I should go?"

"I told you I'll be home by tonight. I'll call you as soon as I'm there. Okay? Promise."

Rocky nodded. He didn't turn to go right away, and Ellington didn't fight him for it. The situation was surreal. Rocky didn't really know how he was supposed to respond. He swallowed thickly and leaned down to kiss Ellington's forehead. He didn't pull back right away. His fingers tangled in Ellington's greasy hair and he closed his eyes. He just wanted to stay there forever. With Ellington. Alive.

"Now leave me to my beauty sleep."

Rocky stood straight and smiled a bit. He shoved his hands into his pockets and left the room, his heart sinking. He passed by George and Cheryl and told them where Ellington's room was. They both hugged him before he left, and he hung his head as he went.

Now, away from Ell, he allowed himself to well up again as he got into his car.

* * *

**hahaha bye**


	5. Break These Walls

**I don't have cancer and the only knowledge I have of leukemia is the research I've done online so I'm sorry if any of this is really inaccurate. I'm trying my best as someone who's never dealt with it firsthand, and I read a lot about it so hopefully this is okay.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

A month went by and things hadn't settled one bit. Because just after Ellington's week of sleeping his ass off and taking routine antibiotics to fight the infection was over, chemotherapy began. It was surreal to everyone because the words _cancer_ and _chemo_ didn't feel right to any of them, especially when talking about Ellington. It was going to take a lot of getting used to.

The first cycle of treatment was four weeks of hell. Ellington didn't like needles, so he had a port inserted in his chest the first day. It was a surgical procedure that terrified Cheryl, but George kept telling her this wasn't even close to the worst of it all. When Ellington came out of surgery, Ross was the first to comment on the circular protrusion of the skin of Ell's chest where the port was. It was something placed under his skin to make an easy way for the doctors to inject the chemo drugs without jabbing Ellington's veins every time, which he had immediately refused.

A few days after the surgery was when the drugs began. It took over twelve hours the first day and Ellington had to remain hospitalized to receive more drugs every day for another week. His chemo was to take place in four-week cycles: a week of chemo, and three weeks of rest for his body to ease up and produce new, healthier cells. On top of all this, he had nausea medications, one that he had to take every three days and one whenever there was a sudden onslaught of sickness. One of the most prominent side effects of the chemo was nausea, so all precautions were taken beforehand.

One of the biggest issues, aside from the fact that Ellington had fucking cancer, was the band. They were trying to keep a sense of normalcy by still keeping in touch with the fans and not mentioning anything that was happening, but everyone was going to have to know at some point.

On Ellington's third week of resting, at the end of the month, they started seeing rumors. Rydel was the first one to see it. She received a tweet from a fan asking if it was true that Ellington was quitting the band. From there, the fans were popping up on every social media site with questions and assumptions and accusations of Ellington leaving R5 because he had some sort of disease. Some said they heard he was on his deathbed.

They had good intentions, really. They were worried about someone they loved a lot, but the things they were hearing were insane. The band, on the other side of it all, were left to wonder who had found something out and spread it around. So much of it was made up and just so far from the truth that it had to have passed through dozens of people to get so stupidly ridiculous. Ross saw more than a few people say they heard Ellington was quitting the band because he and Rocky had broken up.

Like any rumor, Ellington instantly found it necessary to put all of the new ones to rest. It was especially important to him now because these weren't typical rumors. The fans were genuinely concerned for his health which, as he would have to tell them, wasn't great. He wanted to physically say the words to the fans and the world himself so that they knew it from him and wouldn't be getting the wrong idea anywhere else.

Joslyn Davis agreed to do an interview with him because she had spent so much time with the band and would always make time for them, especially for something like this. Two days before Ellington had to go back into the hospital, he and the rest of the band and their parents headed to the studio so Ellington could set the record straight.

They had all decided it was best for him to do it alone, rather than with the other four just sitting beside him. They were all going to watch behind the cameras. Ellington felt it would be better for the fans to have it just be him, to let them know how serious it was and how much it meant to him for them to know it from him personally.

He sat across from Joslyn and talked to her normally for ten full minutes before they started. Rocky watched him being normal old Ellington, in his t-shirt and jeans and flippy hair and big smile. It was incredible the way the guy still radiated light with all the shit going on at the moment.

The rest of them had been tweeting to tune in once the interview was posted later that night. Fans were ready and anxious, even knowing they wouldn't see it until later.

"Alright. Let's do this."

Joslyn smiled at Ellington and held his hand for a brief second. He took a deep breath and nodded. He looked up when the camera started rolling, smiling slightly.

"I'm here with a favorite of mine and yours and everyone, our good friend Ratliff from R5."

Ellington waved. "'Sup, guys?"

"This was kind of last minute because there were some things that came up," Joslyn explained. She looked at Ellington. "Right?"

"Yeah. We just…we were seeing things. Rumors, you know. And I hate rumors, and a lot of them had to do with me, so I just wanted to say something."

"Get it all out there yourself."

"Exactly." Ellington shifted in his seat a little, getting comfortable. "Three things we've seen."

"_We_ being R5."

"Right, yeah. So one," Ellington started, holding up one finger, "is that Rocky and I are broken up. Which I've gotten a lot of the past few days. And that is false. Very much false. I don't know where people got that from."

Joslyn nodded. "Good news."

Ellington held up a second finger. "Second thing is that I'm leaving the band. I think that one is even more insane. I'm never leaving the band," he insisted. "It's not R5 without all of us. That's just crazy talk."

It got silent then. Ellington looked down. He was preparing to say it. He had to find some way to put it lightly, but there really wasn't any way to do that. Rocky bit his lip as he watched it take place, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. This shouldn't have to be happening. He felt a hand on his back, and he turned to see Rydel offering a comforting smile. Rocky forced one back, but his gaze lowered to his feet.

"The third thing." Ellington put up a third finger and held them all up briefly before folding his hands in his lap. "It kinda ties in with the second one in the sense that, uh…" He trailed off, taking a deep breath. "The reason people think I'm leaving the band is that I have cancer."

The whole studio was quiet, a deafening silence that no one was going to break. No one could but Ellington. He paused for another moment before giving a small shrug and speaking again.

"That one I can confirm. I do have cancer," he mumbled, nodding firmly. Rocky's heart dropped as if he were hearing the news for the first time. "I have a type of leukemia called acute lymphoblastic leukemia and it's most common in kids so you've probably heard it referred to as childhood cancer, but one-third of cases are adults, and…I'm the thirty-three percent."

The silence prevailed. Rocky crossed his arms. He was watching Ellington now, but he felt uneasy. The rest of the family and Ell's parents were all behind him. Rocky felt like all eyes were in him even if they weren't.

"I wanted to be the one to say it. I wanted everyone to hear it from me. I—I've started treatment, and it's gonna be a long journey, but I've got the greatest support system in the entire world in the form of great family and friends and awesome, awesome fans."

Rocky couldn't handle it anymore after that. Ellington started talking about how things were going to be with the band and how things were going to get more difficult, and Rocky didn't want to hear it right now. He knew he had to face the truth and couldn't run away from the fact that the cancer was there, but he wasn't in the mood at the moment.

He turned and pushed past everyone else to go. No one stopped him. He felt rather than saw their eyes on him as he left, though, and he watched his feet. He zipped up his hoodie and shoved his hands into the pockets as he walked out into the cold September air. He sat on the curb in front of the studio and waited, watching the cars drive by.

He didn't know how long he was out there for. He was just thinking. It had only been a month and already things were hectic. Chemotherapy took around two years. It was a few months of one type, a few months of another, and then a year and some months of what they called "maintenance" to keep it all out of Ellington's body and prevent a relapse. But that was far off because the cancerous cells were still alive and well within him.

There was so much for everybody to keep track of. Cheryl and George were flooded with random relatives' phone calls. Riker felt bad dragging Lucy to the hospital every time Rocky wanted them there, despite how much Lucy said she didn't mind. Rocky was trying to keep up with Ellington's emotions because while he still smiled through whatever he had to do that day, Rocky always wanted to know what he was really thinking. It killed him wondering what could be going through his head.

Rocky had never had to deal with something like this. Ellington was his best friend in the entire world and he loved him even more. He was probably one of the nicest people to walk the face of the Earth and none of it was making any sense. The more Rocky thought about why it had to be Ellington, the madder it made him.

"Walking out on my one-on-one interview? Wow, rude."

Rocky looked up. Ellington was standing over him, which was new because Rocky always looked down on him. He didn't respond, turning his attention back to the pavement. Ellington sat down beside him.

"Was it too much to hear?" he asked.

Rocky shrugged. "Little bit."

Ellington hesitated. It was a weird situation. Since the diagnosis, they hadn't really gotten a chance to just talk about it.

"It's gonna take a while. It still hasn't really sunk in. I mean, for me it has," Ellington noted, looking down at his chest. He couldn't see the port under his shirt but certainly knew it was there. "But what do you expect when they stick a needle in your chest every day for a week, right? And it was only the first time."

Rocky glanced at him. Ellington seemed so nonchalant when he was talking about the whole thing. Rocky almost wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him and yell in his face. He felt like everyone should be just as upset as he was. But everyone was going with the positive attitude, the outlook that Ellington was going to fight it and beat it.

Rocky preferred to focus on wondering why he had to fight anything in the first place.

"It's gonna be painful," Rocky said suddenly. He clasped his hands together and stared at them intently, as if they held the secrets of the universe. "You know they don't sugarcoat that stuff. There's side effects and it's gonna hurt and I would do anything, _anything_ to take that away from you."

"So that's what this is all about." Ellington placed a hand on Rocky's shoulder. "I'd rather it be me than some poor little kid. I can take it."

"But you shouldn't have to," Rocky snapped.

"I shouldn't, but I am."

Rocky didn't answer. He didn't know where moping was going to get him, but he wasn't ready to hop up and celebrate how amazing Ellington's inevitable recovery was going to be when he had just barely started treatment. It was going to get rough. He was going to hurt and Rocky was going to be helpless through it all.

"I just…_of all people…"_

"You keep saying that." Ellington grinned. "Of all people, it was the swaggiest guy around. Cancer can't stop the swag."

Rocky smiled.

"Hey, it smiles!"

Rocky elbowed him in the arm, and Ellington giggled. He stood up.

"Everyone's waiting in there so we can all leave."

Rocky stood up next to him. "I just had to have my diva moment, alright?"

"Your Ross moment."

Rocky grinned again. "You're a bigger douche to my brother than I am and I am loving it."

Ellington wrapped his arm around Rocky's waist as they went back inside. As Ellington had said, the mass of them were all just standing inside and waiting for Rocky and Ellington to returned. When they all started home, Rocky went with the Ratliffs because he wanted to be with Ellington as much as he could before he had to be admitted again.

* * *

"Would you rather have to walk in on Riker and Lucy doing it once a week or your parents twice a year for the rest of your life?"

Rocky made a face at the question. "Really, man?"

"You have to answer it."

He didn't remember how he ended up underneath a makeshift blanket tent with Ellington on his bed in the middle of the night, but he wasn't complaining. It was nice. They had been playing this silly secrets game for what felt like ages now. It consisted of what-would-you-do, would-you-rather, and how-do-you-feel-about-this questions. They were having a lot of fun with it.

It was stuffy under the blanket, despite the coldness of Ellington's room outside of it. Rocky couldn't see anything but Ellington's silhouette because it was too dark.

"Ugh." Rocky sighed. "I guess Riker and Lucy. But only because the other one is just…too much. Too much."_  
_

Ellington chuckled quietly. "I was about to remind you that it's once a week, but then I just agreed. The parents thing is just sixteen shades of gross."

"Okay. My turn. Hmmm." Rocky leaned his weight against his hand, looking up at nothing in particular as he thought. "Did anyone in your family have cancer?".

"Well, that's not a very fun one..."

"I know. I'm just curious."

"Well, no. I'm unique."

Rocky's eyes were beginning to adjust and he could see Ellington looking down at his hands. Rocky wanted to ask what he was thinking about, but he was also enjoying the silence. The game had been fun but Rocky was pretty sure it was over now. It was quiet. Ellington's presence next to him was what Rocky cared about most, because he wasn't going to have that forever.

"I don't want to lose my hair," Ellington said after a long time. "It took years to get it lookin' this good."

"I'd offer to do that thing where, like, someone you love shaves their head too to support you, but let's be real here."

"Can't get rid of the mane," Ellington commented, reaching up to mess up Rocky's hair.

"Damn right." He pushed the blanket off of them and took a deep breath of fresh air, which instantly made him cold. He moved over and slid his arm around Ellington to hug him close, suddenly getting serious. "It's not gonna be that bad. It's just an excuse to wear beanies literally all the time."

"I could never quite pull off a beanie."

"Oh, _please_." Rocky rolled his eyes. "You could pull off a fucking penguin suit."

"And I did."

Rocky nodded, kissing the top of Ell's head. "That you did, big guy."

"I definitely still have that if you want me to wear it tonight."

"Oh, yeah, totally. I'm so into penguin suits."

Ellington wiggled his eyebrows. "I know what gets you goin'."

Rocky laughed, and it was the loudest Ellington had heard him laugh in over a month, and it was the best thing he had ever heard. Ellington smiled just as Rocky could breathe again.

"Jeez. We can make anything creepy," Rocky muttered.

"Yeah. Might have to burn that penguin suit."

* * *

**my heart hurts you feel**


	6. Midnight Memories

**THIS ONE WAS FUN I LIKE THIS ONE A LOT ENJOY**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

The time seemed to pass rather quickly for Rocky because he was unable to focus on anything other than Ellington. He kept track of everything Ellington needed to do and when he needed to do it. He was almost as bad as Cheryl, who had an entire calendar hanging next to the other one in their kitchen listing all important dates pertaining to Ellington's treatment. It was stressing Rocky out trying to do everything for Ellington. Ell kept telling him that he could handle things himself, but Rocky insisted he wanted to help him as much as he could.

Two months went by before Rocky started to become less overbearing. Ellington was finishing up his third round of chemo and he was worn out. Rocky could tell by the look in Ellington's eyes when he offered to do anything and everything that Ell wanted to handle things on his own sometimes. So Rocky backed off as much as he could without seeming disconnected.

Before the diagnosis, they had celebrated Ellington's 22nd birthday and Ryland's 18th all together back in April, and eventually Rydel's 22nd in August (the month Ellington had been sick, causing him to have to be the only one left out of the celebration; Rocky forced himself to go along for the sake of making his sister happy). But then things got hectic and with the entire family trying to keep up with adjusting to new things, suddenly it was the end of November, both Rocky and Riker's birthdays having passed. Rocky got to spend his 21st birthday lying in a hospital bed because he was too afraid to leave his boyfriend alone after an intensive third round of chemo, receiving calls from his family members wishing him a good day. Riker's 24th was spent alone with his wife because his siblings were too tired to do anything but call. Riker understood, because he was too.

Everyone was feeling guilty by the time December rolled around. Everything was passing by so quickly and no one felt like they had any time to sit back and enjoy things. They were always running around, hearing news, or just trying to figure things out. The diagnosis had struck them all in some way, and R5 didn't seem to be making any progress since. That was stressing Stormie out; she hated seeing the people she loved most in the world look so bummed out because they weren't doing what they loved.

There was no one to blame, because everyone was just tired. But of course one person in particular blamed himself for the entire thing.

Rocky was in the living room one night with his siblings — minus Riker, who had a wife to be with at their own place. Rocky had fought Ryland for the recliner and won, leaving Ryland squished between Ross and Rydel on the couch. Rocky didn't care all that much.

They were watching a cooking show when the front door open and closed. None of them turned to look, assuming it was Mark, who had run out to get something earlier. But it wasn't until Ellington crossed the room and stood in front of the TV that they started paying attention.

"I need to talk to you guys," he said. He seemed serious.

Rydel picked up the remote and muted the TV. Ellington made his way over to sit on the arm of the couch. The four of them watched him and waited, listening intently. Ellington stared at the floor and folded his hands in his lap. He looked like he was thinking hard.

After a while, he said, "I feel like I'm holding you all back."

Rocky exchanged a confused look with Rydel. They didn't know what he meant.

"Huh?" Ross spoke for them all.

"The band," Ellington continued. "We haven't done anything in months because…I _can't_ do anything. The drugs make me feel like shit a lot of the time and I try my best to hang out with you guys, but mostly I just want to sleep and I haven't picked up a drumstick in weeks. I'm holding back the band."

It shouldn't have concerned Ryland because he wasn't even in the band, but even he looked back at the others with wide eyes and a furrowed brow. They were all in awe that Ellington was even saying these things right now. It was crazy.

"I don't know what that means to all of you, though. I know that I don't _want_ to leave the band, but if I'm just dead weight—"

"Ellington," Rocky cut him off. He always became hyper aware when words pertaining to death came out of Ellington's mouth. "Shut up."

Ellington looked up at him, as did Ross.

"Like…am I hearing all this wrong? Or is our drummer certifiably insane?"

"Insane." Rydel nodded. "Definitely insane."

"You're not holding us back. That's ridiculous," Rocky said. "You're our drummer. You're important. We need you."

"But we haven't rehearsed anything in weeks."

Ross spoke up. "Because Riker's busy being a newlywed and everyone is shaken up about this, dude. It's not you, it's everyone."

Rydel and Rocky nodded in agreement. Ellington looked unconvinced, staring down at the carpet. It was understandable why he felt the way that he did, but at the same time, it totally wasn't because he made the band what they were. They wouldn't be R5 with just four of them. Even if they got a new drummer, they wouldn't be anything like Ellington. Everything would just feel so wrong.

"You have all the time in the world to rehearse," Ryland said. "No one expects you guys to go right back up onstage when one of you is disease-ridden."

"Right." Ross clasped Ellington's shoulder, shaking him slightly. "So lighten up, man. If you leave the band, I will too."

Ellington smiled a little. He looked up at Ross. "There's no 'R5 featuring Ross Lynch' without Ross Lynch."

As his siblings laughed, Ross grinned brightly at Ellington. "Damn straight."

* * *

Ellington stayed to hang out for the rest of that day. It wasn't until ten that Ellington decided it was getting late and went to put his shoes on in the living room, getting ready to go. Ross came in and nodded to acknowledge him, sitting down on the couch to finish his lazy day.

"Hey, do you wanna hang out?" Ellington asked him.

Ross looked up at him. "Wait, what? Me?"

"No, the other person in the room." Ellington rolled his eyes. "Yes, you. We haven't done anything in forever."

"Not since…" Ross paused, looking up at Ellington dramatically. "_…the incident_."

Ellington blinked. "If you're talking about that thing that happened in the basement—"

Ross waved his hands quickly to stop him. "God, no, I _wasn't_, but now I am. I tried to block that memory out of my mind the second it happened."

"You know, it could have been worse, considering everything else he and I have done down there—"

"STOP TALKING."

Ellington laughed. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Really, though, I just miss hanging out with you," he said, shrugging. "We used to be best buds."

"Then you started hanging all over my brother." Ross grinned. "But yeah, that sounds cool."

* * *

They went to see a new romcom that was out in theatres because Ross was still really into those and Ellington just liked the cast. It was nice for both of them to have something new. Ellington wasn't stuck in a hospital room or sitting at home, and Ross wasn't in his own bedroom or working for once. Ellington was sure it was nice for Rocky, too, because the guy needed a break from catering to Ellington's every whim. Rocky had given Ross a look when he said he was going to hang out with Ellington, and Ross had just rolled his eyes and said, "I promise I know the number for 911."

Rocky meant well. But he wanted everyone to be happy and healthy so much that he forgot he was working himself to the bone. He was trying to stay with Ellington and make sure he talked to Riker enough and spend time with his siblings at home and he even tried to throw songwriting into the mix. He needed to calm down.

Ellington had forgotten how funny Ross was. It was easy to let bonds with people slip away over time, even when they were in a band together. Sure, Rocky was Ellington's best friend, but Ross had always been way up on Ellington's list of favorite people for a lot of different reasons. They all picked on him, but Ross took it lightly every time. He had so many good qualities. Ellington genuinely liked spending time with him.

When they got out of the movie, it was midnight, and Ross suggested they go to one of their favorite little breakfast places that opened at midnight. Ellington was starving and swore he had never heard a better idea in his entire life.

Ellington was going to say something about Ross being up all night when he got a coffee. He decided against it after Ross took a gulp of it, though. Ellington was drinking water that tasted like it came from the tap and their waiter looked like he hated his life, but they were having fun nonetheless. It was a fun night.

"So how are things going?" Ross asked, leaning against the table. "I mean, like, with treatment and stuff."

Ellington shrugged. "As good as it can be, I guess. They use the term 'it's working' loosely, because it's not working well enough for them to stop stabbing me with a needle twice a day for ten days." He sighed. "It's gonna be a long time before this is gone, though. It's only been a few months."

"Well, nothing happening is better than something bad happening, right? I think we'd all rather it be under control than to make you sicker."

"Yeah. I guess that's the only bright side to this we can really focus on."

"Rocky sees no bright side," Ross mumbled.

"Yeah, he's...having trouble with the whole thing."

"Which I understand, don't get me wrong," Ross insisted, holding up his hands. "I mean, it's rough. It's hard on all of us but he loves you more than anything, so I get it. I totally do. But he's just been such a downer."

Ellington didn't answer. He twirled his straw around inside the glass.

"You'd think that caring about you as much as he does, he'd want to lighten the mood sometimes. But every time he's not with you and you tell him the treatment's making you nauseous or whatever, he's with us and saying how much he would rather be with you 'cause he wants to help. Sometimes I just want to tell him to cool it, but I can't do that because his intentions are good." Ross sighed heavily, shrugging. "I have to cut him some slack, though, 'cause that one night he was crying was pretty tough to even watch. It's only been a little while of this and he's already a mess."

Ellington looked up. "Wait, what? When did he cry?" He'd never seen Rocky cry or heard anything about it.

"I don't know. A few weeks ago, I guess. Sometime after his birthday."

"What happened?"

Ross sipped at his coffee as he thought back. "He was talking to my mom and I was in my room playing guitar so I don't really know what was happening. But then I heard yelling and got nosy and went downstairs, and by the time I got down there, he just cracked. He started crying and hugging my mom and she was like, 'He's okay, he's fine.' About you, I'd assume."

Ellington frowned. "I didn't know about that."

"It's not the best conversation starter. 'Hey, I bawled my eyes out last night because of you. How was your day?'"

"Fair enough."

After they ate, Ellington drove Ross home and went back to his own place. Part of him wanted to confront Rocky about the crying thing but he was worried an uncomfortable conversation might ensue, so he left it. When he got back home, he had a text from Ross thanking him for hanging out with him and saying he'd missed being buddies. Ellington said he'd do it again anytime.

* * *

Rocky was up all that night throwing up.

He told Ellington this the next day, after not sleeping at all, and Ellington was over there within minutes. The family had gone out for breakfast to leave Rocky alone, and Ross was still dead asleep in his room. Ellington let himself into the house. He couldn't find Rocky at first, having checked the kitchen, his bedroom, and the basement.

"Rocky?" he called.

He was answered by faint retching sounds and groaning, which he realized were coming from the bathroom. He followed his ears and opened the door. As expected, Rocky was kneeling on the floor and hugging the toilet for dear life. He looked up when he saw Ellington. He took a deep breath, flushing the toilet and sitting back against the wall. It didn't take Ellington long to realize he had just been getting sick again.

"Hi," Rocky greeted him.

"You've literally stressed yourself sick. I saw this coming."

Rocky glared at him. "Great to see you, too."

Ellington rolled his eyes before going to help him stand. "I'm just saying," he started, pulling Rocky's arm around his neck and supporting his weight to lead him across the hall. "You _have_ been stressing yourself out way too much."

"I can't help it if I'm worried," Rocky muttered.

"Well, stop worrying. You can worry when I'm not walking and talking and laughing at dumb things anymore."

Rocky sat on his bed and instantly turned on his side, curling into himself. Ellington ventured into the kitchen and rummaged through the cabinets. He found a green bowl bigger than his head. He carried it back into the room and set it down on the floor next to Rocky's head.

"I don't want Rocky puke on me," he explained.

"My mom uses that bowl to make salad."

Ellington waved him off. "I'll buy her a new one."

He joined Rocky on the bed, pulling him closer. Rocky wanted to turn to him and kiss him for doing this, but his breath really smelled. Ellington didn't do well with people throwing up in the first place. Rocky settled into Ellington's embrace, ignoring the churning feeling in his stomach. He had been getting sick for countless hours and he was really exhausted. He was glad to have Ellington here.

Maybe it was the stress that had made him sick. It was entirely plausible because all he was doing was worrying nowadays. Everyone gave him funny looks when he went on constant rants about how mad he was that Ell was sick and he couldn't help, and they were all right. Rocky made himself look crazy. He could easily just tone it down and realize Ellington didn't need to be taken care of 24/7. If there was a concern, the doctors would say something.

Rocky stared blankly ahead, his mind whirling. "We've been dating for a year."

Ellington nodded against his neck. "Next week, yeah. It's crazy."

"It feels like it's still so new," Rocky murmured, "but it also feels like it's been forever. Y'know?"

"Yeah. Still exciting but there's so much familiarity."

"Exactly," Rocky agreed. He finally twisted around to face Ellington, looking him in the eye. "Thank God for Hawaii."

Ellington smiled. "Seriously. And for—" He stopped suddenly, and his eyes widened as he sat up abruptly.

At first, Rocky was scared that Ellington was going to be sick, and he almost said, _Oh no, not you too._ But Ellington wasn't throwing up. He hid his face in the crook of his elbow and coughed violently. Rocky propped himself up on his elbow out of sheer concern, instantly putting a hand on Ellington's back.

"You okay?"

Ellington nodded. "Yeah. There was a tickle in my throat," he said. His voice was raspy, like he needed a drink. He coughed again and cleared his throat before running a hand through his hair.

"Are you good now?" Rocky asked. "D'you need water or something?"

Ellington didn't respond. He was hunched forward with his head hanging between his shoulder blades. Rocky couldn't see his face. After a while, Ellington turned to him, and his face had gone pale, as if he'd seen a ghost. He didn't look sick—the face Rocky knew well—but rather scared. He looked at Rocky with slightly wide eyes, not saying anything.

Rocky arched an eyebrow. "What is it?" he prompted.

Wordlessly, Ellington looked down at his hand and held it out toward Rocky. Both of them examined a clump of Ellington's hair sitting in his palm. When Rocky looked up at his face, Ellington raised his eyes to meet his.

Hesitantly, Ellington moved a slow hand up to the top of his head. He threaded his fingers through his hair and combed through it gently. When he pulled his hand away, another clump was between his fingers. Ellington looked at it and then back at Rocky.

"Well, shit," Ellington mumbled.

Rocky glanced at the bathroom. "Should we…"

Ellington sighed and stood up. "Guess we have to," he said, already heading toward the bathroom door.

Rocky got a chair from the kitchen and dragged it into the bathroom so Ellington could watch in the mirror. Ellington sat in the chair with a towel draped over his shoulders. He had fished out the razor his mom used to shave his dad's hair for him. Rocky stood behind Ellington and they looked at each other's reflections. Rocky was pale because he was sick, and Ellington was because he was terrified.

"Are you ready?" Rocky asked.

Ellington took a deep breath and nodded.

When Rocky took off the first big clump, Ellington started whining. Rocky instantly felt bad, but when he looked up at Ellington's reflection in the mirror, he saw that he was, of all things, smiling.

"But I love my hair. It's my most redeeming quality."

"Not anymore it isn't."

It had gone from a stressful, intense moment to one of their famous goofy ones. Ellington was glad for that. He asked Rocky to give him an inverse mohawk, and both of them laughed when Rocky shaved off a straight line down the middle. Rocky gasped dramatically every time he took off another part and Ellington kept laughing every single time. He watched as his hair slowly disappeared from his head. Of course, it was bittersweet. He liked that it was Rocky with him, but the situation itself really sucked. It was almost surreal. He never thought he would have to do something like this.

When it was almost all gone and Rocky was mostly cleaning it up, Ellington got to really see it. He had no hair. And it was because of cancer. The process was fun, but now he was bald and there was a strange feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. It was like a sense of reality finally washing over him.

Rocky put the razor away. He took the towel off of Ellington, shaking off all off the hair that had been cut off. He would have to clean all that up later. He swept the excess hairs off of Ellington's shoulders and neck.

All the while, Ellington just stared at his reflection.

Rocky noticed this. He wrapped his arms around Ellington's neck and rested his chin on his shoulder.

"I still think you're gorgeous," he commented, and he wasn't even saying it just to be funny or make Ellington smile or anything. He meant it.

"You know when we watched that Joseph Gordon-Levitt movie a while ago? The one where he has cancer? And there's that one scene, when he has to shave his head, and he says no one is going to want to sleep with him because he looks like Voldemort?" Ellington nodded firmly. "Yeah. That's pretty much where I stand at the moment."

Rocky kissed the side of Ellington's neck. "Definitely not true. I want to sleep with you. I can't speak for everyone else but I don't think it matters if other people want to sleep with you, because they can't."

"I look like Elmer Fudd."

Rocky stared at him for a second, and then he laughed so hard that he couldn't catch his breath, causing his face to go red instead of pale. Ellington had to laugh along with him, just because he liked hearing Rocky laugh. Rocky was still holding onto Ellington and Ell grabbed Rocky's hands, feeling like he was going to fall over or something. Suddenly, the situation wasn't so bad anymore. And it was just because Rocky was there.

"It wasn't that funny."

Rocky stood up straight and wiped his eyes. "I know."

They went back into the room to lie on Rocky's bed again, and he let out a giggle every once in a while as he thought back. Ellington smiled at it every time.

"I'm bald," Ellington said after a long time.

Rocky, half-asleep and facing away from him, muttered, "You're pretty."

"You're tired." Ellington kissed the side of his head.

He was so tired, it didn't occur to him that it was eleven in the morning until he heard Ross stumbling down the hall. He watched as Ross passed by the door tiredly, yawning and running a hand through his hair. Even then, though, Ellington couldn't bring himself to move. This was where he wanted to be. This was what was important to him. He could use a nap.


	7. Let's Take A Ride

**haha hey**

**disclaimer: i own nothing.**

* * *

Ellington woke up in the afternoon, stretching out his muscles as he sat up. The curtains were open and the sunlight was brightening up the room. Ellington took his phone — which he'd slept on — out of the pocket of his jeans to check the time. It was just before two.

Rocky was still fast asleep beside him. His face was pale again. Ellington didn't like seeing him sick when there wasn't anything he could do but be with him, which was what he figured Rocky felt about Ellington's situation in its entirety. Except it was a lot more difficult for him, of course. Cancer was a lot more permanent than some stomach bug. Ellington lay back again, sliding his arm around Rocky's waist. He breathed in against Rocky's neck, just taking him in. Rocky stirred in his embrace.

"Hmph," he grumbled, turning over to face Ellington. His eyes remained closed, and he tried to go back to sleep.

"You should get up," Ellington suggested quietly. "It's past one."

Rocky groaned in protest. Ellington laughed and sat up again. Rocky whined at the loss, holding out his hand for him to come back, but Ellington stood up. He waited, watching, and eventually Rocky gave up and dragged himself to his feet. He reached down to pick up the still unused bowl on the floor.

"That was a nice nap," Ellington commented. He led Rocky out of the room and down the hall. "That should be a regular thing."

"I feel like my stomach is being devoured by a parasite," Rocky said suddenly, completing ignoring Ellington's statement.

Ellington raised an eyebrow. "I take it you still don't feel well."

Rocky went into the kitchen to put the bowl away. As he did, Ellington made his way to the living room. The family had returned from breakfast and Ross had woken himself up, so Rydel, Ryland, and Ross were all already sitting there. Ellington joined them.

"Hey, guys," he said cheerfully, sitting down beside Ryland.

They were all staring at him, and Rydel's mouth was wide open, and none of them answered him. Ellington looked back at them. He was confused because he didn't understand what he'd done wrong. He had just woken up. All he'd done was nap. But then it occurred to him, and he remembered everything before the nap. He nodded slightly to himself. It made a lot of sense for them to be confused now. He couldn't believe he had let that slip his mind.

"Oh. Yeah." He shrugged. "I guess the drugs started really working. It started coming out in clumps. So we just shaved it off."

Ryland reached over and touched the top of Ellington's head. Ellington raised an eyebrow, but Ryland didn't seem fazed by it. He continuously ran his hand over Ellington's head, mesmerized by the fact that there wasn't any hair there. Ellington sighed. He already missed his hair and it had barely been gone a few hours. He had, of course, known that this was going to happen, though.

Rocky joined them then, sitting on the other side of Ryland, who still had his hand on the top of Ellington's head. Rocky looked at him curiously.

"They're all mesmerized," Ellington explained for them all.

"I can tell." Rocky shook his head. "You're all insane."

"I think you'd be the same way if I just walked into the room with no hair," Ross pointed out, finally tearing his attention away from Ellington's head to focus back on whatever they were watching.

"I probably wouldn't. I usually don't notice when you enter a room."

Ross glared at Rocky, who smirked. Ryland snickered.

"I think you look fine," Rydel told Ellington.

"Thanks, giiiirl."

Rydel gave him a thumbs-up as she got up and left the room. By then, Ryland had finished touching Ellington's head. Ell was thankful for that. He sighed and leaned against the arm of the couch. The four of them settled in and watched a show about ghost stories come on. It instantly intrigued the Lynch boys, but Ellington had always found stuff like this nothing but funny. He laughed every time someone claimed to hear something in their house, earning a stern glare from the others every time.

Ell was pretty sure he was the only one who heard Rydel's exasperated "Ugh!" from the other room. The other three were too entranced by the show. He looked up when Rydel came fuming into the living room. It wasn't until she stood directly in front of the TV that the rest of them paid any attention to her.

"I need one of you to do me a favor."

They all looked up at her, but none of them answered.

Rydel placed her hands on her hips. "I need one of you to go buy tampons."

"Bye." Ryland stood and instantly headed for his room. The ghost story show was apparently not interesting enough to make him stay there.

"Oops. Sorry. Can't. I'm sick," Rocky muttered, taking up the space Ryland had just left and lounging on the couch. Technically, he wasn't lying. He was really sick, but he was just using it as an excuse.

"And I just don't want to." Ross shrugged.

"Oh, grow up, you guys." Rydel rolled her eyes and looked pointedly at Ross. "What are you going to do in the future when your girlfriend needs you to go out and get some for her someday?"

Ellington spoke up, holding up a finger to turn Rydel's attention to him. "I mean, I'm just speaking from experience here, but I never had to go out for Kelly," he pointed out. "So it wasn't a problem for me. It may not be for the young boy here, either." He shrugged and glimpsed at Rocky. "I don't think I'm ever going to have that issue now, though…"

Rocky held up his hand without looking away from the screen, and Ellington high-fived it.

"Well, I think it's time you both grow up because I need a simple favor. Mom is with Cheryl and I have stuff to do and God knows you boys should get out of the house after sitting on your butts all day."

"I feel victimized." Ross slid off the couch and got to his feet. "Ratliff, let's go."

Ellington's head snapped up. "What? Why me?"

"Would you rather stay with your contagious, pukey boyfriend?"

Rocky punched Ross in the back of the knee from where he was lying down. Ross stumbled a bit and pouted at him, then turned back to Ellington.

"You're the worst," Ell muttered to Ross, standing to go find a beanie in Rocky's room. Ross went to his own to get his shoes, and Rydel followed them down the hall to her room. She closed the door behind her.

Ellington took Rocky's green beanie, and before he left the room, he grabbed one of Rocky's Hollister hoodies for good measure. He emerged just as Ross came out of his room, and Ross grabbed his keys from the kitchen. He called out "Be back soon" to no one in particular. Rocky didn't even answer. Ellington followed Ross out to the car and climbed into the passenger seat.

"The things she talks me into," Ross grumbled absentmindedly. He shook his head. "She gets scary sometimes."

Ellington shrugged. "That's sisters for you, I guess. Coming from someone who doesn't have a sister, but I've known you guys long enough."

"Which is why you can attest to the fact that she gets scary."

Ross drove them to the pharmacy a few blocks away. Ellington checked himself in the mirror and adjusted the beanie on his head a few times before getting out to follow Ross inside. He stayed behind a bit, letting Ross lead him through the store. Ross awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck as he turned down the aisle with the big "feminine products" sign hanging above it.

Both boys stopped and looked. There was a huge selection, and they were instantly overwhelmed. How were they supposed to know what to get? They didn't know what was normal and what wasn't. Why were all the boxes different colors? Why were some so much bigger? Why were there so many different brands? Wasn't it all the same thing?

"What the hell do we get?" Ross asked quietly.

Ellington made a face. "Do I look like I know what kind of tampons your sister uses?"

Ross elbowed him. He looked up higher and then crouched to look lower, but he still didn't even know what to begin looking for. He bit his lip.

"I mean…regular looks okay to me," he muttered, pointing to the closest box that said 'regular' on it.

Ellington shook his head. "That looks like a cheap brand. They're probably not as good."

"So, what, are we looking for the stuff in commercials? Like…_Tampax_ or whatever?" Ross asked. He was visibly uncomfortable.

"Ross, I literally have no idea."

"I've never even bought condoms before, so how am I supposed to—?"

"You've never bought condoms?" Ellington asked. Ross looked at him and shook his head. "Someday you're going to fall in love with a girl and then things are gonna be gettin' steamy and then you'll realize you don't have protection and she'll dip."

"I've never been in that situation, so…" Ross frowned. "When I do fall in love, I will be prepared."

"Good boy."

Both stared at their selection for a short few seconds before Ross mumbled, "Be right back," and went on his way, leaving Ellington alone to complete the task at hand. He stared for a few more moments before going for the first brand name he recognized from TV, like Ross had said. It was all he could think to do. In hindsight, it would have been a good idea for them to actually ask Rydel before they went, but it hadn't even been their choice to begin with.

He held the box awkwardly in his hand as he went to find Ross. It wasn't like anyone in there even cared about this. They were all obviously going to assume that Ellington was out for his girlfriend or his sister or whatever, even though he wasn't, and didn't even have a girlfriend or a sister. Nobody knew that, though.

When Ellington found Ross looking at contraception, he seemed just as perplexed in that aisle as he was in the other one. He had a different box in each hand, reading them both alternatively. He looked up when he saw Ellington coming toward him and immediately went red. He held out his arms as if to say that he had given up and didn't know what he was doing.

"Man, I'm not used to this," he muttered.

Ell rolled his eyes. "Why are you over here?"

"Because you were making fun of me for never buying condoms so I'm buying condoms."

"I wasn't making fun of you. Jeez, you drama queen," Ellington said, shaking his head.

"Now you're making fun of me."

"Yes, because you're a drama queen. Now if you're going to—"

_"Ross?"_

Both of them looked toward the source of the voice saying Ross' name. Two girls stood at the end of the aisle. Both looked young, but they couldn't have been more than a year or two younger than Ryland. Obviously, they were fans, and they had run into the two of them at the most inconvenient time in the entire world.

Ross looked down at the boxes in his hands and then the one in Ellington's. He reached behind him and put his down quickly before going to meet the two girls at the end of the aisle, hoping they didn't realize. Obviously, they did, and he could already picture going on twitter later and seeing all of the teenage girls just _dying _over the fact that Ross Lynch was buying condoms.

Ellington looked around a few times and ended up just putting the box down by his feet. He instantly felt self-conscious about his hair — or, really, his lack thereof. But it was going to get out there sooner or later. He went to join Ross and the girls. They looked at his beanie, but didn't say anything, and the whole subject of Ellington's baldness was avoided. They took pictures and signed phone cases and said "It was great meeting you!" to send the two of them on their way. The boys looked at each other as the girls retreated, standing still.

"Of all places, of all times…"

_"Of all people."_ Ellington sighed. "You sound just like your brother."

They left the store unscathed with Rydel's tampons and now Ross' condoms, which Ellington told him he had no real use for. Ross said he had no idea what to even do with them to begin with. When Ellington surged into a smart-ass explanation about how to use them, Ross cut him off.

"I know how condoms work," he exclaimed. "I meant I don't know where to put these. I don't end up in _those_ situations often."

"So why did you _buy them?_"

"I don't want babies, so."

Ellington turned to him. "Believe me when I say that _no one_ wants a baby Ross Lynch running around here anytime soon."

Ross hit him with one hand on the wheel and Ell laughed.

By the time they got home, they were on the topic of virginity and the fact that Ross' was still intact and Ellington's was not. Ross liked to pretend otherwise sometimes, but even if he didn't end up confessing eventually, it was the most obvious thing in the world. Ellington carried the plastic bag as they went into the house, and Ross held the door open for him.

"It was a few years ago. Remember that I dated her for _years_," Ellington explained while they went inside. Rocky raised his head to listen as the two of them went into the living room. "We were ready and it was right, so it's not like I regret it or anything."

"How old were you?" Ross asked.

"Eighteen."

Rocky seemed uninterested again, until Ellington fished through the bag and tossed the box of condoms to Ross across the room. Rocky watched the exchange occur, and Ross turned red again. Ellington laughed.

"For someone who tries to pretend he's not a virgin," Ell teased, "you are _such _a freaking virgin."

Ross rolled his eyes and sat back on the recliner where he'd been before, putting the box down on the floor near him. Ellington took the bag and carried it down the hall to Rydel's room. Rocky looked at Ross.

"Left for tampons and came back with condoms?" he observed.

"Ellington was making fun of me because I've never bought them before, and what if I end up in a situation where I'll need one," Ross explained.

Rocky nodded. "Ah. So that's why I just overheard the deets on his first time."

"Yeah."

"Well," Rocky sighed, "you don't want an STD, do ya? Ell knows what he's talking about."

"Damn right he does," Ell chimed in, coming back into the living room. He sat at the end of the couch by Rocky's feet. Rocky laid his legs across Ellington's lap.

"Did Mom and Dad ever give you the talk?" Rocky asked Ross out of sheer curiosity.

"No," Ross replied. "Dad never wanted to, even when I asked about it. So eventually he said that he was goning to make Riker talk to me way back when, but he never did."

Rocky scoffed. "Riker was definitely a virgin till, like, a month before his wedding, I'll tell you that right now."

Ross raised an eyebrow. "Don't act like you're so experienced in the world of sex."

"More than you," Rocky shot back. He didn't even look at Ross while he talked. "I'm just saying, Riker wouldn't have done a very good job. Not that I would have when I was younger, but still." He looked up. "Do we need to give you the talk right now?"

"Uh, no. I'm good."

"When two people love each other very much—"

"I said I'm good."

"—and they decide they want to show their love—"

"Rocky, I _swear_."

"—they do the nasty and for some reason, that's a testament of love."

Ross pinched the bridge of his nose. "I am so done being reminded of you guys' sex life."

Rocky sat up, making a face at him. "Uh, I didn't say a thing about us, but I could."

Ross stood up. "Yeah, I'll definitely pass on that one, but thanks." He went to his room, leaving Rocky laughing quietly to himself at a job well done. He turned around to put his head in Ellington's lap instead of his feet, and Ellington instinctively started stroking his hair.

"You traumatize that boy more than anyone I know," Ell pointed out.

"It's my job. S'what being a big brother entails. Scar 'em for life and you're golden."

"Great to know."

* * *

**lmao totally a filler but i felt that this was adorable and necessary**

**my favorite part is the rockliff high five idek**

**good things are coming don't let this worry you**


	8. Through The Dark

**i cry i'm sorry**

**disclaimer: i don't own anything sadly**

* * *

"We're going to New York."

It was Ross' twentieth birthday. The cousins and grandparents had all just left after a few hours all spent together to celebrate. Everyone else – and it was really everyone – had managed to fit themselves into the Lynches' kitchen somehow. Riker, Rydel, Ryland, Ross, Cheryl, and Stormie occupied the kitchen chairs. Lucy sat on Riker's lap. George, Mark, and Andre were standing around. Rocky was sitting up on the counter, and Ellington was standing in between his legs, Rocky's hands tugging idly on the back of Ell's shirt.

Mark was the one who spoke, and after that it was quiet. The parents were all smiles and Andre had this look on his face that they just knew meant he was really excited. The kids all looked around at each other. It was Rydel who broke the silence after a little while.

"We have a show?" she guessed, because why else would they be going to New York?

"That you do," Mark said. "In February."

There was another pause, but this one was brief. Rydel shifted in her seat and cheered excitedly. Ross stood to reach all the way over and high-five Rocky. They were all celebrating to themselves, especially Ellington. He couldn't help but feel really good about this. He had been so worried about holding back the band this whole time, and it meant a lot that they were finally going to go back to doing what they loved. It wasn't all because of him anymore.

He felt good enough to get back to work, and he had voiced this to his parents a couple of weeks beforehand, which he was pretty sure was the reason a show had been booked already. They heard that Ellington wanted to go for it, so they jumped at the first chance. He was glad for that. Seeing everyone smile so much was more than enough for him. Performing was what each of them lived for. He hated to be the one to keep himself and the rest of them from that, so this was important to him.

Mark went on then, telling them they had a lot of work to do and that tickets were going on sale that next day. They had another show right after in Boston, and then one in New Jersey, and then in Chicago, and then in LA. They were going to be busy and it was all so worth it.

While Mark spoke and they got excited, Lucy looked back at Riker. They stared at each other and seemed to be communicating something. The others slowly started to realize that Lucy was looking nervous and Riker was nodding slowly at her, urging her on. Lucy looked down at her lap and sighed. That was when everyone turned to them.

"We have something to tell you guys," Riker said. His arms were around Lucy's waist, holding her there. Lucy's hands sat on top of Riker's.

"Are you pregnant?" Rydel immediately blurted. She wasn't completely serious, but then Lucy looked over her shoulder at Riker and smiled at him. Rydel lit up. "Wait…you're really pregnant?"

Lucy grinned brightly. "Yeah. We're pregnant."

Like after Mark's news, there was a sudden silence. A split second passed before Rocky hopped off the counter, gently moving Ellington aside so he could approach them and shout, "Congratulations!" Lucy got off of Riker's lap to let Rocky hug his brother, and Lucy was immediately taken into Stormie's arms. Rydel was on her feet and hopping in place, clapping her hands. Suddenly everyone was beaming and hugging and congratulating Lucy and Riker, and Stormie was crying, and it was just an all around beautiful moment.

Lucy said she still had to call her parents because they were so far away. "But we figured this was a good opportunity with everyone else here," she explained. She looked over at Ross. "Not to pull any focus from the birthday boy."

"Hey, not a problem. It's almost over anyway." Ross smiled.

"I'm so happy! I love babies," Rydel gushed, holding Lucy's hands.

"Can you believe we're gonna be grandparents?" Stormie asked Mark. Her tears intensified, prompting Riker to go over and hug her tightly.

"Everyone's gettin' old around here," Rocky commented. He stood beside Ellington and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Weddings and babies all over the place."

"There's literally been one wedding and one baby," Ryland corrected, "and they've both been Riker and Lucy's."

Rocky rolled his eyes. "Who asked you?"

The initial excitement had died down a little bit. Stormie had stopped crying and people had returned to where they were sitting before. When it felt like the conversation was dead and people were going to start leaving, Cheryl was the one to speak up.

"So you two have been going pretty strong for a while now," she noted, pointing to Ellington and Rocky.

The two of them looked at each other, and Ell nodded. "It's been a year."

"That's incredible," George said. "I can't believe it's been that long."

"Me neither," Rocky agreed.

Things were really going well for them all, and while Rocky was really happy about that, it also worried him. There was a new baby on the way, R5 was going to get back on track, Rocky and Ellington were amazing as ever, and Ellington's cancer had remained at bay for a little while. No progress, really. Nothing worse, nothing better. He was almost done with the second type of chemo, meaning he was almost in remission and would have to do the super-long, one-year chemo treatment to _keep _him in remission.

It was all great. But Rocky knew that couldn't last. It was amazing that everyone was happy because that didn't seem to be happening a lot lately. There was a ton of stress and too much going on for everyone to just kick back and be happy. Rocky knew it couldn't go on forever. Something was going to go wrong, no matter how little, because God knows no one could let them all be happy just for a little while. Something was always going to have to come in and ruin it for them all.

For the time being, though, it was important to focus on the good things and what he had going for him right now. He wasn't going to be able to relive the little moments in the future, and he wouldn't always get to spend nights laughing in the kitchen with the people he loved most. So he chose to smile and savor it rather than think about all that was going to go wrong later on — whatever it was.

* * *

The two of them were lying in Rocky's bed that night, just staring at the ceiling. It was almost nine. Neither of them were particularly tired because it was so early, but they had resorted to winding down and relaxing for the rest of the night. Rocky was still pretty sick but not to the extent that he had been a few days beforehand. The lights were all on and they were on top of all of the sheets. Rocky's hand was on top of Ellington's, tracing random shapes on the back of his hand. Neither of them spoke for a while. The silence was nice.

Rocky could hear the muffled sound of the TV in the other room. Rydel and their parents were watching something. Andre was home, and Cheryl and George had gone home a little while ago. They offered to take Ellington with them but he declined, saying he wanted to hang out with Rocky before treatment the next day. Riker and Lucy took Ross out for a late dinner as their gift to him and Ryland tagged along.

"What's your biggest fear?" Rocky asked after a long time. He had been thinking through the silence, and he was just curious.

"Hmm." Ellington bit his lip, suddenly deep in thought.

Rocky watched him. His head fell to the side and he looked up at Ell's face, raising his eyebrows. He could tell that Ellington was really thinking hard. He hadn't thought about it much recently. Rocky was patient. He was really interested in things like this. He felt like little things said a lot about a person, and one of those was what they were afraid of. He meant really afraid of. Things that terrified them. Rocky himself was really afraid of losing everyone he loved one way or another. It was something that made his heart beat faster just by thinking of.

After a while, Ellington seemed to break out of his trance.

"I'm not really afraid of anything," he said simply.

Rocky found it a little hard to believe. To think that Ellington wasn't scared of a single thing was ridiculous. Everybody had their little phobias, and Rocky knew all of Ellington's, so he knew that Ell realized Rocky meant much more than things like heights or clowns or the dark. He wanted to know what really scared him, what kept him up at night. The look on Rocky's face must have conveyed his disbelief, because Ellington saw him and elaborated.

"I mean, I don't really have anything to be afraid of anymore. Cancer is scary but I'm sort of forced to get used to that. I'm not even scared of needles or getting sick anymore," he muttered. He thought for a moment, and it was quiet as he stared at the ceiling still. "I guess I get a little scared thinking of how everything is going to be once I'm gone. And by everything I mean you, my family, the band. Everything. But other than that…that's really it."

"Wait, once you're gone?" Rocky frowned. "That's not funny."

"I didn't say it was funny."

"You're not gonna die. You haven't even been diagnosed for half a year, dude," Rocky reminded him. "That's what chemo is for. They're gonna get rid of it."

"Cancer is cancer and sometimes cancer kills people, and I'm not saying that I'm gonna die, and I don't _want_ to die, but I'm scared for when I do."

Rocky was sort of fumbling around for words. He felt like he was about to have a panic attack. Ellington could go from talking about recovering to talking about the cancer killing him in a matter of seconds and Rocky wasn't sure he was ever going to be able to keep up with it. He didn't want to have this conversation. He never did. Losing Ellington of course went along with that big fear of his. Everything was already so new, and to have to worry about Ellington dying from this eventually? It was too much.

It was a few silent moments before Rocky finally found his voice. "Are you scared of dying?"

Ellington laughed, but it wasn't his normal laugh. It was almost hollow. There was no sound to it, no joy, no real reason to be laughing. Ellington shook his head.

"I'm not afraid of dying, Rocky. Everyone dies. It's what comes after it that I'm afraid of."

"The unknown?" Rocky asked, trying to follow Ellington's thoughts.

"No." Ell shook his head. "The inevitable."

Rocky sighed. "You lost me again."

Ellington shifted, as if he were getting into a more comfortable position. He looked ready to talk a lot.

"When someone dies, everyone left behind is kind of at a loss, right? We've all lost someone but when it's someone close, everyone else just…loses it. 'Cause they miss the person and they have to figure out how to take that person out of their daily routines," Ellington explained softly. "It's gonna be like that for everyone around me and I don't want that."

"Ell, please don't—"

"R5 can't be R5 when there's four of you. _We_ can't be _us_ if one of us is missing. Everything changes, Rocky, and I get scared thinking about all you guys at a loss like that. Searching for something that's not there." He paused, and his voice wasn't above a whisper when he said, "Me."

"No, no, no. I hate talking about this." Rocky closed his eyes and shook his head, covering his ears. _If I don't hear it, it's not there._ "I don't wanna talk about it anymore. Please."

Ellington sighed heavily. "Okay. Okay, I'm sorry." He moved forward and hugged Rocky. Rocky didn't hug back, but he leaned into Ell's embrace, his eyes still closed. "I won't talk about it anymore."

Rocky nodded. "Thanks."

"Just know that I'm not. I'm not afraid of dying."

"I know."

* * *

Two days later, Rocky slept over Ellington's house. Ellington was exhausted from the chemo and Rocky was equally as exhausted seeing him in pain, so it had been easy for both of them to go right to sleep. At some point in the dead of night, Rocky woke up for no immediate reason. He stretched out a little bit and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, the room was still pitch black. He turned on his side and blinked a few times, letting his eyes adjust, and he found that Ellington wasn't there next to him. Rocky pushed the comforter away from him, feeling the cold air hit his bare arms. He sat up and stretched out again.

He was so ready to fall back asleep, but he would have liked to find someone to snuggle with first, and Ellington was ideal. Plus, it might be nice to not lose his boyfriend in his own house. He willed himself to get up and go find him, just to make sure he was okay. He could never be sure with Ellington. That was the scariest part of it. Ellington could be in the bathroom, or just in the kitchen getting water, but he could also be passed out somewhere in the house needing someone to help him or to be driven to the hospital. Rocky could never risk it.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed, getting ready to get up and drag his feet through the house. It was only a few seconds before he heard it. He stopped to let it register in his mind. He realized after a few short moments that it was the sound of Ellington crying.

Rocky followed the sounds and found Ellington sitting at the foot of the bed. Rocky hadn't even realized he was there when he first woke up because it was so dark in there. Rocky's eyes had adjusted enough to the darkness to let him see that Ell had his head in his hands, hunched over and looking like he just needed a hug or something. Rocky didn't know why he was crying, and he had never heard or seen Ell cry before, so he panicked. His first instinct was to ask what was wrong, but it was quiet and Rocky didn't even know if he was awake enough to have a voice. Plus, he wasn't sure if Ellington would have a voice.

It hit him then that Ellington was still crying really hard and needed him. Rocky was suddenly wide awake at this realization. He crawled to the end of the bed, sitting on his knees right next to Ellington. He tentatively put a hand on the small of Ellington's back, not wanting to get too close for comfort when Ell was obviously in a fragile state. It reminded Rocky of that night in the Lynches' living room when Ellington was having trouble breathing, the night that had changed everything for everyone. It scared him to make that comparison.

When Ellington felt Rocky's hand on him, it was like a switch had been flicked on. He instantly curled into himself and flung himself into Rocky's embrace. His head fell to Rocky's chest and his sobs became more open. He had obviously been trying to be quiet when Rocky was asleep, but now Rocky knew, so Ellington didn't have to pretend it wasn't happening anymore. Rocky's heartbeat increased because he didn't know what to do. He hadn't been expecting anything like this, especially not considering how strong Ellington had been through everything.

Rocky's arms wrapped around Ellington and he held him tightly, and Ell let him without a word. Rocky didn't know why he was crying, but he kept telling him that it would all be okay. It was a lame attempt but all he could think to do. Ellington didn't seem to be having any of it. He was a hysterical mess in Rocky's arms. Rocky was honestly terrified. He didn't feel like there was much he could do.

"I'm so scared," Ellington finally said, and then he kept saying it, and it became a mantra he choked out trough his tears.

It didn't take long for Rocky to realize what he meant. Ellington was scared — scared to die. The opposite of his take on the whole thing just a few days ago. It was like the drugs had worn him out and he had seen himself with no hair so much that all of the reality of the situation was finally hitting him. Rocky's eyes widened, and his mouth fell open but no sound came out. He had never felt so at a loss in his entire life before. There was a so much he wanted to say and he wished he could make it better, but he didn't even know where to begin.

Though Rocky was supposed to be strong now, he felt helpless, rocking a sobbing Ellington back and forth and telling him it would be fine with a blank stare, because he was scared too.

Ellington cried until it seemed he physically couldn't anymore, and they gradually moved until they were lying back with their legs hanging off the bed, Rocky's arms wrapped tightly around him. Ellington fell asleep with a red face and puffy eyes, but Rocky didn't think he was going to be sleeping well anytime soon.

* * *

**:((( babies**

**kind of another filler i guess? that last part is important though, it's all finally really hitting him.**

**the next one i've already written and it's going to have something that i guess could maybe possibly trigger some people. of course i'll talk about it beforehand. it's not too bad, not graphic or anything but you can never be too sure.**

**anyways yeah, hope you guys are enjoying it**


	9. If This Room Was Burning

**HEY READ THIS FIRST**

**So in this one someone gets beaten up by a stranger and injured, and I'm aware that this is possibly triggering to some people, so...just a warning. Nothing graphic, nothing too hard to read, but you never know.**

**I hope this makes up for the short few last chapters ha enjoy**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything**

* * *

Arriving in New York that February was a weight off of all of their shoulders. They were ready to get back into the swing of things and have a good time all together. Ellington specifically hoped that it was going to be an opportunity for everyone to forget and stop worrying about him and how he was feeling. Although he loved that they cared, he wished they could all focus on their own lives every once in a while.

The show was sold out and the band was psyched. They loved playing a full house. The crowd always seemed a little more energized when it was a bigger audience. Plus, this was their first show in months. They were ready to bring everyone to their feet and blow the roof of the place. They had a lot of new stuff up their sleeves.

They got to New York City around noon and checked into their hotel. It took them about an hour to settle in and right from there, it was off to the venue. They had to get rehearsing. It felt awesome for the five of them to be playing together again, each bringing a certain aspect that they needed to make it whole. It was incredible. They could feel that it was going to be an amazing show.

They went off for VIP first. It was the first time ever doing this that Ellington had no hair, so of course he was a little wary. Everybody obviously knew by that point; they'd seen pictures of him within the past few months. But most hadn't seen it up close. Rocky stood next to Ellington for all of the meet and greet photos for this reason, just so he could be with him. Every time a younger fan would look up above Ellington's eyes just a little too long, Rocky was sure to let his hand find the small of Ell's back, assuring him it was fine.

The fans were really energized, giving them a good idea of how the crowd would be during the show. The Q&A was just as fun. No one asked about the leukemia, mostly because it was probably a really touchy subject for everyone and no one wanted to be the one to bring it up. There was a discussion about Rocky and Ellington, though, because someone wanted to know how they were doing, and Rocky's siblings decided to jump in with stories that made the audience "aww" and Ellington go red.

The show was amazing. The feeling of being back up onstage after so long was completely indescribable. Being beneath all the lights, enveloped in the sound of their own music and surrounded by people who loved them so much was beyond anything that any of them could put into words. They felt invincible. Nothing could break them when they were up there. Cancer was no match for the feeling of doing their favorite thing in the entire world.

After their encore, the five of them went offstage completely hyped up. They were high-giving and hugging and shouting until their voices were hoarse. Their parents and Ryland were all waiting back there to congratulate them on a job well done. Within all the chaos, Rocky found Ellington and pulled him close, kissing him firmly.

"I'm so proud of you," Rocky said in his ear once they pulled away. "You were incredible."

Ellington smiled. "So were you."

They left the venue almost in a trance, all feeling delightfully fatigued on the bus later. They were quiet by the time they got back to the hotel. The screaming and the celebrating were over, so they stayed excited on their own, each doing their own thing. They didn't want to go to bed yet, though, so instead of all going to their own rooms they all fit themselves into Stormie and Mark's suite.

Riker and Rydel were already winding down on the couch and watching TV, ready to crash. Ryland had joined them, but he didn't seem quite as tired. Stormie was going through all the videos and photos she'd taken that night. Mark stood over her shoulder to see. Rocky and Ross were sitting at the breakfast bar in the suite's kitchen, Ellington standing behind it. All three were on their phones.

"So many people were there tonight. They got so many good pictures," Ross commented, looking through all of the photos fans were tweeting him. "They make me look like Jesus."

"Maybe you _are_ Jesus." Ellington raised an eyebrow.

Rocky grinned. "Wow, what a plot twist."

They joked quietly and talked until Ellington started to feel bored and restless. He had been so wrapped up in his phone he'd become oblivious to his surroundings. When he looked up, Rocky's arms were folded and his head rested on them, his eyes closed. Ellington wondered if he had actually fallen asleep sitting there. Ross was still scrolling, looking all wide-eyed and intrigued.

"Hey, you wanna go for a walk?" Ellington asked quietly.

"Outside? It's late," Ross observed, looking out the balcony window. It was already dark out.

"Yeah, I know. I think it'll be nice. The city's cool at night."

Ross shrugged. "Sure. I'm down."

Rocky lifted his head then. He obviously hadn't been asleep but he looked like he could barely even keep his eyes open at that point. Sleepy Rocky was probably Ellington's favorite Rocky. He was about to voice it, but Ellington only got to chuckle a little and was about to tell him to go to bed when Rocky cut him off and spoke up in a tired, raspy voice.

"That's not a good idea," he murmured. "It's really dark. There's a bunch of creeps out there."

Ellington went from laughing to rolling his eyes. "It's fine, Rocky."

Rocky gave him a look that said _I still don't like this,_ but Ellington pretended not to notice. Ross said they would be right back, and his parents waved him off without even looking up at either of the boys to see who "we" were. He figured they assumed they were running down to the lobby and would be back. Otherwise, Stormie probably would have been in the same boat as Rocky.

* * *

"New York is rad."

Ellington nodded. He and Ross had been walking for only a couple of minutes. They weren't far from the hotel. So far, the walk had been silent as they both stared up at the bright lights against the dark sky. Ellington's hands found his pockets as they walked, turning the next corner. By then, when he looked over his shoulder, he couldn't see the hotel anymore.

"I think this is one of my favorite places," Ellington said. "Of anywhere in the world we've been, this is still way up there."

"I feel you. I don't know what it is about it. Cities are just really cool." Ross emphasized his point by looking up again.

"Especially when you grow up in Colorado."

Ross grinned. "Right."

As they continued, Ellington watched a group of four guys turn the corner across the street from them. One of them had a long coat on. They all stood together and stared right back at Ellington and Ross as he watched them. Ellington looked away, watching his feet as he walked with Ross. Of course, he immediately assumed that they were harmless. What would a bunch of random guys want to do with the two of them?

Ross himself seemed oblivious to the group across the street. He was still marveling at all the majesty that was New York City. He had begun to just babble, telling Ellington everything he loved about it and why he loved hanging out here when they had shows. There was always something to do, he said. Nothing ever got boring. Everything was exciting. Something new happened all the time.

Ellington nodded at the right points to tell him he was still listening. After a while, he glanced over his shoulder. The group of guys had disappeared from the other side of the street. Curiously, Ellington looked back a little more. As he had expected, the group had relocated themselves and were now walking a little ways behind Ross and Ellington, the same direction they were going. Ellington started to feel suspicious and a little worried.

The guy in the long coat made eye contact with Ellington, and he felt even worse. There was a strange feeling settling in the pit of his stomach that he couldn't really describe right away. It took him a moment to realize it was just pure fear when they seemed to pick up speed behind them. Ellington swore long coat guy was closer than he had been a moment ago, and the other three were right on his heels.

Ross noticed Ellington's head turned. "What are you looking at?" he asked before starting to turn to look back at whatever Ellington was.

"Shh." Ellington nudged his arm and picked up his pace just slightly, but it was enough for Ross to have to shuffle a bit to catch up. "Keep walking. I think these guys are following us."

"Wha—? Why?"

"I don't know," Ell replied, staring straight again. His voice had dropped tremendously. "They must want something. Just keep walking. If we run, they'll chase us. We just gotta find a lit street."

They continued on and Ellington could tell that Ross was worried now. He kept licking his lips and exhaling audibly when he would fall out of step with Ell, worried he'd end up behind him. He stayed as close as possible. Ellington felt this sense of responsibility, like he had to protect Ross, who wasn't that much younger than him and who was an adult himself. Ellington still wanted to be like the older brother he always had been to Ross. He'd kick himself forever if he let something happen to him.

Ellington panicked internally when he could hear the group's footsteps behind them. They were catching up. He could hear as their pace gradually increased. They were walking faster, even though they were already close enough for Ellington to hear them. He was really getting worried. He gripped Ross' sleeve then, mostly for himself. He'd feel better knowing he had Ross right there with him.

The footsteps went from walking to running, and all Ellington could do was gasp as he wheeled around and met one of them face to face. Immediately, the guy in the coat threw his arm around Ellington's neck and held him under his arm, his grip dangerously tight around Ellington's throat. Ell panicked, fighting back, clawing at the guy's arm as he struggled to breathe.

Ellington could hear Ross struggling somewhere near him. Ross was on the ground, and he yelped and groaned, and Ell knew they were beating him. Ellington swung his arms without direction. He ended up elbowing the guy in the gut, and when his grip loosened, Ellington wriggled away. He turned and shoved him away from him, then went to see what he could do for Ross.

Ross screamed then, as loud as he could, and it made Ellington's ears ring and his blood run cold. He stood still. He was so shaken up by the sound that he didn't have time to react when the same guy came up behind him and pushed him to the ground. His face smacked against the cold sidewalk and his arms were pinned behind his back. He panted, squeezing his eyes shut. He could only hope he was going to survive this.

The guy was searching him. He wanted money. Ellington couldn't fight him because he didn't know what this guy had on him. He might have had a gun or a knife or something that could severely hurt Ell. He could do anything to him. Ellington was virtually powerless. He stayed still as the guy pulled all Ellington had — fifty bucks — out of his pocket. Then he got up and Ellington heard retreating footsteps, first from his own captor and then by the other three.

Ellington got up shakily. There was a pool of blood where his face had just been. He reached up to touch his face just below his nose, and his fingertips were covered when he pulled them back. He tasted blood when he swallowed. It didn't take him long to realize his nose was bleeding and he had bitten his tongue so hard that that was, too. The entire side of his face was pulsating; he was going to have a mark there. He'd been hit square in the nose when he was pushed to the ground, and he knew enough to realize he was going to have a black eye the following morning. His arm had twisted back so much that his shoulder was now aching.

Ross was a few feet away from him, lying on the ground still. He was crying. Ellington went over to him.

"You alright?" he asked.

"My ankle," Ross responded meekly. "I think they broke my fucking ankle."

Ellington had to get Ross back to the hotel so they could go to the ER. He needed everyone else. He managed to get Ross onto his back, despite how his shoulder throbbed when Ross used it as leverage to hoist himself up. Ross' arms wrapped around Ellington's neck, supporting himself. Ellington trekked back where they came from, toward the hotel. He was glad they hadn't gotten too far.

"Did they take anything?" Ellington asked.

"My phone. It's all I had," Ross answered. He used one arm around Ellington's neck to reach all the way around and wipe his eyes. "You?"

"Some money. Didn't have my wallet."

Ross was still breathing heavily the whole way back. He whimpered every once in a while, and Ellington could tell the kid was in a hell of a lot of pain. He felt like shit. He felt like he should have helped him more, fought the other guys off. It had been three to one with poor Ross beneath it all. Ross was taller and generally more muscular than Ellington was, but they had still gone for him instead. It made Ellington sad.

He carried Ross all the way through the hotel lobby, still in the elevator, and up to the hotel room. Ellington had his key inside his phone case, and thankfully they hadn't wanted his phone. Ross stood beside him on one foot while Ellington unlocked the door. Ross hopped his way to one of the closest chairs.

Ellington crossed over to where everyone was. "Hey, guys? Help."

When they saw him, everyone seemed to spring up at once. As soon as Stormie noticed Ross, she and Rydel were at his aid, examining his ankle. Rocky was immediately at Ellington's side, tilting his chin up to get a better look at his injuries. Riker was already at the mini fridge to get ice. Ryland and Mark stood aimlessly in the middle of it all, asking what happened.

"We got _mugged_," Ross told them all. "Some guys were following us, and Ell was like, 'Just keep walking, don't look back at them, keep walking, keep walking,' so we did, but they jumped us."

"Did they take anything?" Mark asked.

"I had, like, fifty bucks," Ellington said. "And they got Ross' phone."

Stormie turned to Mark. "Call the police!"

"I don't know what they looked like."

"Me neither. It was too dark."

"We have to get him to a hospital," Mark said. He was already helping Ross stand up, pulling his arm over his shoulder. "C'mon."

Stormie followed them out and Rydel offered to come along. By the time they left, Riker's ice was forgotten and unused, and Rocky was still looking at Ellington's face. Ryland stood behind them.

"Does it hurt when I touch it?" Rocky asked as he poked his finger against a red mark on Ellington's cheek.

"No, but it annoys me that you're jabbing your finger into my face." Ellington pushed Rocky's hand away and held it between both of his own. "I'm alright."

Rocky shook his head. "I don't like anybody touching you," he muttered. "They _hurt_ you. That's like kicking a fucking puppy."

"I'm okay," Ellington repeated. "Ross is the one you need to be worrying about right now."

Ellington went to get a paper towel and wet it. He used his phone as a makeshift mirror to wipe off the dried blood over his lips and chin that had come from his nose and his mouth. As he did so, he tried to explain to the three of them what happened exactly. They'd just been minding their business, he said, and hadn't done anything to provoke the other guys. He assumed they just looked like easy targets. And apparently, they were.

Ryland was completely shocked at the thought of people actually doing things like that. He said he'd never actually seen it happen in real life before, not to people so close to him. But here was Ellington, wiping blood off his face and examining the nasty colored mark going from his nose up to underneath his right eye. He was living proof that crazy shit like that happened every day.

Riker suddenly said that he would stop pestering Ellington about the whole thing, and when Ellington looked up, he had a feeling it had something to do with the look Rocky had given Riker. Ellington's suspicions were confirmed when Riker nudged Ryland's shoulder and the two happened to decide to go out on the balcony, leaving Rocky and Ell alone. Ellington threw away the used paper towels and leaned against the counter, looking over at Rocky expectantly.

Suddenly, Rocky's face contorted, and he looked like he had just been punched right in the chest and his heart had been ripped out. It was a look of pure devastation that made Ellington's own heart break just by seeing. He straightened up when Rocky dragged a hand over his face to hide the expression, leaning back against the wall.

Ellington moved over to him, not liking that look on his face one bit. As soon as Ell was near him, Rocky's arms were around him, pulling him as close as humanly possible. Ellington hugged back, not really sure what was going on but not wanting to question it. It wasn't until he heard Rocky's unsteady inhale and a broken sob that he realized Rocky was crying hard.

"Why are you crying?" Ellington asked quietly. He couldn't see Rocky's face, which was buried in his shoulder.

"I can't protect you." Rocky's voice was muffled against the fabric of Ellington's shirt. "I can't make everything stop hurting and I can't stop other people from hurting you either."

Ellington frowned, trying to take it all in. He was pretty sure Rocky was just feeling helpless, unable to make the cancer go away and to protect him every moment of every day. It hurt Ellington that he felt that way because there was nothing he could really say to fix it. It was true. Rocky couldn't take away all of Ellington's pain all the time, but that was just how it was. Ellington didn't resent him for it.

"I'm still alive," Ellington murmured. He pulled back a bit until Rocky lifted his head to look at him. "No amount of cancer or chemo or needles or random guys on the street will ever be stronger than how I feel when I get to see your face after it all. Nothing will ever, _ever_ hurt that bad when I know you're still there at the end of the day."

Rocky looked down at this, and Ellington could tell he was embarrassed at how hard he had been crying mere moments before. Ellington pushed Rocky's hair out of his face and kissed him gently. He gave him a smile, always a reminder that he was still alive, still with him.

"So I'm gonna need you to stop crying." He brushed his thumb along Rocky's cheekbone. "I'm thinking we should just go to bed and wait for someone to call us. It's been a long day and I think I just need to cuddle you into oblivion."

"I love you so much," Rocky told him. He was still swiping at his eyes.

"I love you too, big guy." Ellington took a step away from him and clapped Rocky's shoulder. "Now come on. I need a snuggle buddy."

They went back to their own room and crawled into bed, still in their clothes. Ellington took Rocky into his arms, Rocky's back pressed against his chest. He seemed to have settled down, and Ellington was glad for that. He wanted to help him but he didn't know how, so he was glad Rocky had seemed to calm down a bit on his own. All Ellington could really do was hold him tightly. After a while, he reached up to pull the hat off of his head, throwing it to the floor.

Rocky turned around in Ellington's arms, facing him. His eyes were red. Ellington studied Rocky's features as he had a thousand times before, going over everything he'd memorized. His eyes and his nose and his lips and every little detail that had been engraved into Ellington's memory. Rocky was incredibly good-looking and that was a fact. Ellington never got tired of just looking at him.

"Please just be more careful," Rocky whispered. "You could have been killed."

"But I wasn't killed."

"You're already sick," Rocky went on, ignoring Ellington's comment. "You have too much going on to risk being jumped on the street. They could have done a lot worse."

"Like broken my ankle." Ellington frowned. "I should have helped him. I should've..." He trailed off, sighing.

Rocky ran a hand through his hair. "It's not your fault he got hurt. You got hurt, too."

"They all went after him. Three of them. It was just one guy on me, and all he did was take my money. He didn't...he didn't hit me or anything. The rest of them, just...I could have protected him. I let your brother get hurt like that and I didn't try to stop them."

"I don't blame you. No one's gonna blame you." Rocky kissed the corner of his mouth. "Stop this. It's not your fault."

"You told me not to go."

"Right, but you're you, and even I knew you'd do it anyway."

Ellington made a face. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Rocky nuzzled his face into Ellington's chest and drifted off soon. Ellington stayed awake. He knew better now, at least. Maybe he should listen to Rocky next time. He seemed to know what was best for Ellington better than Ellington himself did. He always told Rocky to calm down and stop stressing out, but maybe all that stress should be put to good use.

Ellington fell asleep a little later, but it was so brief that he barely did at all. It was like when he came home in the middle of the day and flopped down on his bed to take a nap, and he was so exhausted that he shut his eyes and instantly drifted. But then he would remember something he had to do and he could consciously open his eyes and sit up, because he was in that time between asleep and awake where he was just barely gone. It was a nice place to be, but not so much when he was awoken.

He was only pulled out of this place when Rocky got up from the bed. Ellington opened his eyes and watched him get up with his phone pressed to his ear. Rocky slipped out of the room and left the door open just a crack. It was enough for Ellington to see the light go on in the other room. Rocky was speaking quietly, so Ellington wasn't able to hear the words that he was saying. All he could hear was the sound of his voice speaking quietly to whoever was on the other line.

Ellington sat up and rubbed his eyes. He planned on waiting until Rocky came back to bed to explain to him what was going on; he was too tired to get up and seek him out. It was another few minutes of Rocky's quiet voice talking before the light went off and the door creaked open slowly. Rocky noticed Ellington sitting up and realizing he owed him an explanation. Rocky sighed as he padded across the floor.

"Sorry I woke you. You're exhausted." Rocky kicked off his jeans because it was all too uncomfortable sleeping in them before climbing back onto the bed.

Ellington shrugged. "I'll live. Who was on the phone?"

"My dad. Ross' ankle is broken," Rocky said quietly. He expected Ellington to speak, but when it remained quiet, Rocky went on. "He'll still be able to go onstage and stuff, but he'll be limited for a while. Sitting most of the time, you know. We should probably plan some acoustic sets or just have him stand still and sing a lot without playing. Riker and I can—"

"Rocky," Ellington cut him off, putting a hand on his knee. "You don't need to figure out the plans for future shows at one in the morning."

Rocky snorted. "Yeah. Sorry."

Ellington didn't say anything else, moving away to curl back up and fall asleep. Rocky didn't join him. He got up and left the room again, closing the door completely behind him. Ellington decided to give it a few minutes before going to see what was up, but by the time those few minutes were up, he couldn't even reopen his eyes, and he fell asleep.

* * *

**HOW WAS THIS IDK**

**next one's rad**


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